My Aunt Maureen
A few years ago when I was in Florida visiting with my Aunt Maureen she said to me:
Mary, are you going to say something nice about me when I die?
She knew I had a reputation for giving eulogies and I guess she wanted to make sure that she had me lined up. Her request came out of the blue and I was a bit surprised, but I said:
Sure, Aunt Maureen, I’ll say something nice about you.
And then we went on to discuss a bunch of other things. Aunt Maureen was a greater talker. She liked to ask questions, and to discuss things like religion and politics, medications and medical conditions. She loved to get a heated discussion going; she had her father, TJ’s DNA. The more controversial, the better she liked it. No subject was off limits.
I remember as a young teenager, I was sitting in the back seat of the car with Aunt Maureen and out of the blue she brought up the subject of underarm hair – Can you imagine? I wanted to crawl under the floor mates. I was maturing and developing underarm hair and I was totally ignorant of that fact that basic hygiene for young women involved shaving under one’s arms and applying a bit of deodorant. Poor Aunt Maureen was a captured audience in the back seat of the car with me on a hot and humid summer day and she decided that the situation called for a little action on her part. I learned a simple yet valuable lesson that day because Aunt Maureen was not too shy to speak up. Thanks, Aunt Maureen, I’ve been wearing deodorant ever since.
Many of Aunt Maureen’s nieces and nephews remember her in her role as Mrs. Homemaker. Donna Reid had nothing on Aunt Maureen. She had amazing skills in the kitchen, but better than that, she actually invited us kids into her kitchen to participate in her creations. We were allowed to put our fingers into the pie, curl up the crust and make it our own. We were encouraged to decorate the Christmas cookies ourselves even if the outcome was less than perfect. She could have gotten her tasks done a lot faster and with half the mess without our involvement, but she patiently and joyfully shared her time and her skills with us. These were such delightful experiences. I wonder if she had any idea at the time that by sharing her cooking and baking talents she was creating these wonderful memories for us. Thanks, Aunt Maureen, I’ve been cooking and baking ever since.
An invitation to dinner at the Marski’ was an eagerly anticipated event. There were certain signature dishes that you came to expect. Remember Aunt Maureen’s special beets- they had sugar and vinegar in them and had to be cooked just so? And can’t you just smell the roast cooking in the oven and see the potatoes being mashed?
In Woodhaven there was a little table that sat up against the wall. It was only about 2 feet wide but when you unfolded it, it would open up to into this huge dining room table that could fit a mob. It was a pleasure to be a part of this noisy mob. These times were wonderful times and Aunt Maureen was at the very heart of them. As I grew older I realized the tremendous amount of work required to host these large family dinners, but Aunt Maureen was so organized and so good at it that she made it look simple. Thanks Aunt Maureen, for teaching me these skills.
Aunt Maureen, the second child of Margaret and TJ O’Donnell, was born on Nov. 16th 1918. She grew up in the Bushwich section of Brooklyn and as she matured she developed into a tall, slender, and very attractive young woman. As a matter of fact, as my father tells the story, she was so attractive that Maureen almost became my mother! At some point in their youth, my father, Charlie, invited Maureen out on a date and she agreed to go. They went to the Planetarium. On the way home, they went into the wrong side of the subway and only discovered their mistake after the fare had been paid. There was no way to get to the other side without crossing the tracks so they had to come up out of the subway, cross the street and pay a second fare. I guess this did not impress Aunt Maureen because it does not appear they had a second date. Valentine’s Day was right around the corner and my father, trying to be a diplomat sent two Valentine’s cards-one more expensive card to Maureen and another “token card” to her sister, Rita. After a week or so meticulous Maureen, not wanting to clutter her space, threw her Valentine’s card out. My mother, on the other hand, who didn’t like to part with a thing, retrieved the discarded card from the trash. The next time my father was invited over to the O’Donnell house for dinner, Maureen and Rita informed him of the switch and as they use to say in the olden days, my father’s goose was cooked. The sisters had spoken.
This switch worked to the advantage of Mr. Joseph A. Marski who married the beautiful Maureen Adele O’Donnell on September 6, 1943. Good thing for Tom, Jim & Laura & their offspring too.
Like the rest of the Coleman- O’Donnell Family Aunt Maureen loved to visit the country. As a young child, Maureen’s mother, Margaret would spend the summers with her children at her own mother, Hannah’s home in Pennsylvania. The O’Donnell children were thrilled to leave the heat and congestion of the Brooklyn city streets for the wide open spaces of this tiny little hamlet known as Friendsville. There were plenty of kids to play with because Maureen had something like 36 first cousins who resided in the countryside around Friendsville.
So on one fine spring day many, many years later, my cousin Sharon and I decided to take the O’Donnell sisters for a little tour of the countryside that they loved so well from their youth. We all piled into a rented van and headed towards Friendsville. Now, mind you these sisters have always loved each other dearly throughout the years. Even so, just try putting 7 women in a van together for three days – each with their own agenda - and see what happens.
If you think the women on the TV Talk show, The View, get into some hot topics and some really heated discussions, you ain’t seen nothing! When I tell you that all Hell broke out inside that van, I’m putting it mildly. I needed a meditative retreat and some heavy drugs to get over that mini vacation. Nonetheless I learned an interesting lesson from that life experience. And it is this - Love conquers all. I do not remember a time in all these years when this family was ever estranged from each other. They certainly did not agree on everything; they certainly were outspoken with each other about their own opinions, they might even raise their voices and at times would argue “to beat the band” but they never once parted ways and they never withheld their love each for the other.
Life was not always easy for Aunt Maureen.
She had her share of heartache – losing two of her siblings before their 30th birthdays must have caused her great sadness.
At times throughout the years Maureen also suffered with physical and emotional pain. She did not give up easily and she remained steadfast and faithful during these periods of personal struggle.
She took the Serenity Prayer to heart and did her best to live its’ precepts on a daily basis.
Maureen was a caring daughter, a considerate sister, a faithful spouse and a loving mother. And, she especially loved becoming a Grandma to Chris, Erik, Jennifer, and Timothy. She really became excited once again when she reached the status of great-grandparent and could brag about the newest additions to the family - Gavin and Shannon.
Even though her health had been failing for quite some time, Aunt Maureen made it to the ripe old age of 91. Erik, I think your Grandma tried her best to keep on living. And, I’m sure it had a lot to do with a promise she made to you years ago when you were asking her about death and dying and you said to her: “Try hard not to die Grandma.” That request meant a lot to your grandma – I know because she told me all about it.
Interesting thing, even now, as we mourn the loss of her bodily presence among us, I believe that she really isn’t dead.
I believe she was and is a spiritual being just like the rest of us.
Maureen was on a human journey that lasted from 1918 until 2010. But because she is a spiritual being -first and foremost- her journey isn’t over. No, Maureen’s spirit remains in our midst and surrounds us still. I know she will be especially close to her beloved family whenever they need her the most.
So today as we accompany Maureen Adele O’Donnell Marski’s body to its final resting place, Let us continue to honor her by remembering:
Her smiling face and her welcoming ways; her generous nature and her classic sense of style.
Let us remember how beautiful she looked when she got all dressed up for those special dinners at Hansen’s Hotel on Lake Oquaga.
Let us remember her voice and special laugh as we picture her sitting by the phone in her kitchen talking to her sisters. .
And let us honor her and remember her and follow her example by making her prayer our prayer too:
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen. --Reinhold Niebuhr
Mary Beth
PS The photo at the top is not the one I was looking for but due to my disorganized photos I have not yet been able to find the one I wanted to use. When I do I will change the photo.
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