Another Question: Who is God for me? Who is the God I know? How had God shown God’s Self to be for me?

 My reflections on another question that my Spiritual Mentor presented to me. 

The first very vivid memory I have of God occurred shortly before my First Holy Communion at St. Michael the Archangel Elementary School in the East New York section of Brooklyn.  The Nun in charge of my released time religious instructions in preparation for receiving my First Holy Communion, who, by the way, I remember as being a sweet and gentle woman, called me to come to the front of the classroom to speak to the Pastor. I was one of the youngest students in her class and Father Pascal was there to see if I was “ready” to receive my First Holy Communion.  Father too, was a kind and loving person and I did not feel threatened by his questioning. I remember him asking me if I knew who I was receiving when I was given the small, round host and I had no question that it was Jesus. I was happy and excited that Jesus was going to be coming to me in this intimate, personal way.  I loved this Jesus right off the bat and that feeling has never wavered. 

Sadly, as time went on, I was introduced to a different type of God. I was taught about a God that was ready to condemn me to the fires of hell for all eternity for missing Mass, eating meat on Friday or kissing for longer than a certain number of a seconds. In my head I had a picture of God the Father as an elderly gray haired man sitting on a throne somewhere up above the clouds. I saw the son as the man nailed to the cross, hanging in agony because of my sinfulness. The Holy Ghost was a white dove that gradually morphed into the Holy Spirit and eventually became a rather magical expression of the Almighty to me. 

It has taken me a lifetime to rid myself of these childhood symbols of God. I’m still struggling with some rather negative images of the Almighty.

At the current time, I guess God is a mystery to me-a mystery that I continue to explore through a number of different avenues. I’ve always been the most attracted to the Holy Spirit as it seems like the most possible explanation of God to me.  

I agree with St. Augustine, that “our hearts ❤️ are restless until they rest in Thee!”

I believe that throughout my life I’ve been looking for God in the love I’ve felt for fellow human beings, both male and female.  Human love is a wonderful thing and a taste of the divine, but it is always a bit disappointing because it just can’t seem to reach where we want to go. Only God can satisfy this longing.

God is definitely Love. God loves unconditionally in contrast to the vindictive God I learned about in years gone by. 

God permeates everything and everyone although it’s hard for me to see God in certain situations and in certain people. 

I’m learning now, how this mystery (often called God) is evolving and working though all of creation. 

I’ve also heard that God is a relational, trinitarian being and I’ve also been told that the Holy Spirt is the love that is expressed between the Father and the Son.  

I’ve always wondered about the meaning of this expression: “ In God we live and move and have our being”.  If we could clearly comprehend this concept, I believe we would have a more complete understanding of the Almighty. Perhaps this will happen when we “see God face to face” and are experiencing this gift: Eye has not seen, nor ear has heard what God has ready for for those who love ❤️ “.

What I didn’t know 52 years ago

 

I married Bob Buchner on September 18th 1971, exactly 52 years ago today.

There are quite a lot of things I didn’t know then. 

I didn’t know the years would go so fast.

I didn’t know I’d one day live in the Capital District of New York State in a suburb of Albany. 

I didn’t know my children would be carried in the wombs of other women. 

I didn’t know I’d love them as much as if I’d given birth to them physically. 

I didn’t know how precious my one and only grandson would be.

I didn’t know that being able to take a nap on my anniversary would be such a fabulous event. 

I didn’t know I would be happy to eat leftovers on my actual anniversary. After all, wasting the food would make me sad. 

I didn’t know that I would be blessed with the most wonderful friends living nearby; friends I would never have met if we didn’t move north of the Whitestone Bridge. 

I didn’t know how many aches and pains descend upon a person in the golden years. 

I didn’t know what a mystery God would become as I got older.  

I didn’t know how excited I would be to look for the Divine, nonetheless. 

I didn’t really know what it would feel like to say goodbye to the previous generation. 

I didn’t know I’d ever be ready to go outside the house without wearing eye makeup. 

I didn’t know topics of conversations would change so much.  

I didn’t know I’d feel so tired some days.