My First Christmas

Our grandson, Connor slept over last night since he had off from school today.  Being the day before Thanksgiving, I guess the teachers wanted some extra time to cook.    Connor slept on a blow up mattress at the foot of our bed.  He likes being close to us and we don’t mind having him near. 

Last night, Connor and I had a “movie night”; we watched The Polar Express together as the fire in our wood burning stove (truthfully, now it is gas operated) kept us warm and cozy.    We are always looking for things to keep Connor entertained and gainfully occupied, so I decided to begin decorating the house for Christmas.   Yes, I know it is really too early, but we needed something to do!

The tree is up and ready for the lights but we’ll save that for another day.  I cooked all morning and the bird is clean and ready for the stuffing.  We won’t have a big crowd for Thanksgiving – not like I did in my childhood days – but it should be nice anyway.

This afternoon, the last thing I brought up from the Christmas shelf in the basement was some “old” photos of visits with Santa from years gone by.  Looking at one photo, circa 1954, brought me immediate, overwhelming sadness and literally stopped me in my tracks.  Although I’m no longer crying every second, I still haven’t truly assimilated the fact that my brother, Charlie, is gone from this planet and that I will no longer be able to touch his hand or hear his voice.   Charlie always liked Christmas.  He worked hard to make it a special event for the people he loved.   His excitement celebrating Christmas brought a smile to my face.      As I looked at this special photo, I remembered some of the details of that day 57 years ago.  I remembered being excited and a bit nervous as we stood in line waiting for our turn to go up on the stage and stand next to Santa.  If my memory serves me correctly, it was taken in Macy’s Department Store and my mother brought us there for the photo.    My baby sister, Meg, had just burped up on Santa’s hand and I think it shook him up for a moment.  It was a time that Charlie and I were just about the same height and people often asked us if we were twins.

This will be my very first Christmas without my brother, Charlie.   I miss him.   I’ll always miss him.