Ellen and I do not share any DNA or even a drop of blood so it might surprise you that I’m in front of you today sharing my thoughts about her. What we did share, however, was a very deep love for the same man. I loved my older brother, Charlie, and she fell in love with one of NYPD’s Finest, a guy she called Chuck. Although our names for him were slightly different, he was one and the same man.
After dating for quite awhile, Ellen and Chuck married and they bought a house on Long Island. If Ellen happened to answer the phone when I called their house on Gun Lane in Levittown, she would give me a cursory “hello” and then quickly turn the phone over to Chuck.
When Charlie died suddenly on July 30, 2011, after suffering a freak accident the week before, my husband, Bob, and I took Ellen under our wing. Not long before Charlie passed away, we vacationed in the Blue Ridge Mountains, Nashville, and Memphis and visited Tupelo and Graceland together and this led us to discover how compatible the four of us were. On that trip we decided we would make a regular routine out of traveling together. Death, as it oftentimes does, quickly put an end to our beautiful plan.
Nonetheless, Ellen agreed to be our travel partner on our next trip to Florida and as we drove together all the way from Levittown, Long Island, to the Villages in Central Florida, we really began to get to know Ellen. After all, she was a captured audience, surrounded by luggage in the back seat, with no other option. Out of shear boredom, we communicated. And, as we learned more about Ellen, we started to “fall in love”.
Although the lengthy car ride proved not to be her “cup of tea”, every year after that, we shared the month of February in Florida. From the time we pulled to the curbside pickup area at Tampa Airport on February 1st until we said good-bye in the wee hours of the morning at the end of the month, Ellen was ours.
We had an amazing time together. She was agreeable, easy-going and a pleasure to be with, even when I pushed her to the very edge of her comfort zone. When Bob golfed, we went our own way and I even coaxed her into some of the many thrift stores and secondhand shops that are abundant along the Tamiami Trail.
Throughout the entire month Ellen would be looking for the perfect gift to bring home for her beloved little granddaughters, Abby and Kate. It had to be exactly the right color and the right design. In fact, one year we went all over creation to find a special Mermaid costume since she knew that this was her granddaughter’s heart’s desire.
Ellen would patiently tolerate all the company that we had coming and going throughout the month of February as well as the many over the top, outrageous things I planned. When we invited a bunch of people into the house for a spur of the moment dinner for 12, she’d give me that deadpan look and groan, “Oh, no, Mary, what are you up to now?!” Nevertheless, she’d go along with the program and would immediately get busy alongside of me with the cooking and then the cleanup.
There are so many things that bring Ellen back to me.
Ellen loved a good cup of coffee and, in February, she was the only one allowed near the coffee maker.
She was an amazing cook. I was cooking some homemade tomato sauce the other night and the smell of garlic simmering in the pan, made me smile.
Ellen liked quality products. Our first order of business when we arrived in Sarasota was a trip to the local Publix Supermarket to stock up on supplies. I knew we’d be “eating good” in the neighborhood when Ellen was with us because she insisted on only the best. It had to be Hellman’s Mayonnaise and Boar’s Head meats! Even our laundry products were top shelf.
Ellen was a smart woman and an avid reader. Shortly after putting our food supplies away, Ellen and I would visit the local library’s book sale section and she’d almost always return to the house with Mary Higgin’s Clark.
Ellen was quite content to sit quietly and entertain herself. Her perfectly manicured nails would click away on the painting app in her phone and before you knew it, she had created a beautiful, colorful masterpiece. She was a wiz at crossword puzzles, and enjoyed helping Bob when he got stuck on the daily Jumble. And, over coffee, we’d share a laugh each morning looking at the outrageous headlines of the New York Post.
Although Bob and I still support the loosing Mets, Ellen was definitely our All-Time favorite, Yankee Fan. Growing up an avid follower of the Brooklyn Dodger, I could never support their arch rivals, the New York Yankees. But, loving Ellen as I did, I found myself being happy for her when the Yankees won.
Ellen didn’t care very much for fish, but wouldn’t think of depriving us. When Seafood restaurants were recommended, she’d say, “I’m sure I can always find something on the menu to eat.” I can attest to the fact that Ellen ate a hell of a lot of burgers and fries during the month of February.
Although I never once saw Ellen don a bathing suit or put a toe into the water, we did go to the beach, and we took quite a few long walks together. Several times we attended “Drumming Down the Sun” events on Siesta Key Beach. She watched with amusement from the sidelines of the large circle that formed as I, on the other hand, weaved my way into the middle of the circle and began dancing around like a silly fool.
At a certain point, Ellen felt safe enough to share with me some of the challenges and heartaches that she experienced over her lifetime. I felt honored that she trusted me this much. Her openness and honesty with me, in turn allowed me to share my deepest secrets with her. Oftentimes, Ellen and I would be the last two up at night and we had the opportunity to chat in private. When we said Goodnight, we would add, “I love you”.
Ellen died before we made it to the hospital on Sunday. Something tells me she wanted to be alone with her dearly beloved, son, Richie, when she took her last breath. Bob and I had our last visit with Ellen the week before on a quiet Sunday evening. She seemed happy to see us and we were glad to see her also. We spoke on the phone regularly, but we hadn’t seen her in person since dropping her off at the Tampa Airport the last day of February. While we visited, an R.N. hooked up the first dosage of chemotherapy to her IV. Although I knew her prognosis wasn’t good, this gave us some hope. Honestly, I really wanted to believe in some sort of radical miracle. Ellen still had her sense of humor and unique way with words. She asked the nurse if the chemo would cause her to lose her hair and then followed up with a question about other possible side effects, but when the nurse started to mention a few more of the side effects, Ellen gestured with her hand to cut it as she said, “Okay, that’s enough, TMI (too much information). Over our two hour visit, Ellen’s phone rang several times. On one occasion she noticed that the call was from someone she rarely heard from and as she looked up at us, she gave us her roguish smile as she made an exaggerated circular wave and commented, “Well, I guess this must be the Big Good Bye.”
I really didn’t want to leave and I don’t think she was ready to let us go, but darkness was descending and driving in the dark scares me lately. Ellen knows how I am, and she understands and accepts me. So, she didn’t try to hold us back. The last words she said to us as we left her hospital room, was “drive carefully and get home safely.”
While we were in Sarasota, we found a lovely church near us by the name of St. Thomas Moore, and we attended Mass together every weekend. This year, for some reason, Ellen started receiving Holy Communion, and it warmed my heart for all of us to walk together to the altar of God. I believe that anyone with a sincere heart is welcome to the table of the Lord and I told Ellen so. By this time in our relationship I knew Ellen had a sincere heart, a loving heart and a beautiful spirit. I felt absolutely certain that Jesus wanted her to come to Him.
I feel privileged and I thank God that Bob and I got to know Ellen in such a wonderful, intimate way.
I also felt that the loving relationship of Ellen and my brother, “her Chuck”, gave me a very real glimpse into God’s unconditional love for each one of us, and for this reason I would like to conclude my remembrances of Ellen with the words that Chuck shared in a card that he gave to his wife Ellen on July 16, 2011 less than two weeks before his death.
“Dear Ellen,
Know that I’ll love you forever….
Even though it is hard for me to describe how much you mean to me,
Know that I love you more than any man has loved a woman before
Know that I love you with all my heart….
Your smile, your touch, your caring nature…
Everything that combine to make you a one- of- a- kind person,
A once-in-a-lifetime love,
Know that I’ll love you forever…
Because the best part of my life began the moment I fell in love with you.
Love, Chuck"
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