I can't believe how broken I feel. What is wrong with me? All I do is cry and when I am not crying I push myself to move as if I were a robot. The world does not seem real or kind. I do not remember ever feeling this sad. Why am I such a baby? Other people have lost loved ones and they survive, so what in God's name is wrong with me? I feel alone and separated from my family. I am hurting so much, the pain is visceral. My whole family is hurting and each person is reacting in different ways and I am useless to reach out or comfort anyone else. I'm acting weird; I'm even sleeping with "Honey", my little stuffed, worn-out puppy from my childhood. Maybe they should take me away. In fact being taken away sounds OK about now.
How will I get through the weekend? I will have to pretend that I am an actor in a play. I will have to plaster a smile on my face and put one foot in front of the other and beg God for help. Life is not the same and it will never be the same again. This earth is barren and vacant without Charlie.
Mary Beth
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