Mom

                        Rita Mary Agnes O’Donnell Fries

March 25, 1917 - November 19, 1998

It is amazing how fast time passes.  Can it really be 20 years since my mother’s spirit left her body?  I know for certain that she left because I was lying in bed next to her at that very moment when she was no longer in the physical structure that had held her since March 25^th 1917. 

Believe me dead is dead.  Her body was vacant, empty; there was no question about it, she was not there anymore.   When the hospice nurse asked me to check for her pulse, I said “no”.  I knew without any doubt she was dead and more importantly I refused to feel my dearly beloved Mother without a heartbeat.   Since I was close beside her, I actually saw her take her very last breath.  I imagine if this could be viewed without any emotion, it could be an interesting phenomenon.   People breathe in and breathe out so many times over their lifetimes that we hardly notice this small physical activity. All of a sudden after slowing down and coming in spurts, there is a moment when a specific simple breath is the very last one. 

 My parents had shared a bed together since October 19, 1940 and on this particular day, my Dad stood at the foot of their bed anxiously willing his wife to continue breathing.  When he saw that she exhaled and did not inhale again, he basically screamed at me to shake her.   He had been stimulating her breaths like this for the last day or so and he felt if I shook her really hard, I could keep her alive.   I remember saying, “Daddy, I can’t do that.”  The cyanosis had already worked itself half way up her body and it seemed cruel to insist she keep breathing now.  

So my mother died.  But honestly it is not her death, but her life that I want to remember today.

I want people to know who Rita Mary Agnes (Agnes was the name she chose for her Confirmation although I am not sure why – I think she told me but I no longer remember) O’Donnell Fries was.

I especially want her great-grandchildren to know a little bit about their Great- Grandmother since this type of thing was always very important to my Mother.  

So here are some things that I remember and want to share about my Mom:

• she smiled a lot 
• she cried a bit too. 
• she made the best apple pie I ever ate.
• she had a crush on Johnny Ryan and took him to her High School Prom where she met her husband, my father, Charles A. Fries. (Charlie escorted his sister, Rosemary Fries, to the Prom and Rosemary was my Mom’s good friend so they sat together at the same table).
• my mother always let her kids build forts and other interesting things under the dining room table and in other places throughout the house.  There would be sheets and blankets and pillows and upside down chairs all over the place. It would make a mess but our imaginations could run wild.
• she also allowed us to paint the windows with snow scenes at Christmas time.  Was that white shoe polish we used?
• my mother didn’t care for housework, but she enjoyed cooking and entertaining. 
• she always had room for one more at her table- always!
• she researched family history better than anyone else I ever knew.
• after High School my mother went to work at the Mohegan Company but once her firstborn son was born in 1943, she became a full time Stay-at -Home Mom.  
• my Mother’s lost her fifth-born child, Joseph O’Donnell Fries, several hours after he was born ( December 11, 1956 ).  She carried her baby for a full nine months and was never given the chance to see her son which only added to her horrendous heartbreak. 
• she took some college courses later in life and I was amazed how brilliant she was when I read her research paper on Peyote.
• the parish priest once told us that my mother was more Catholic than the Pope.   She held an office with the Christian Mother’s Association.
• luckily, my mother sang the praises of conjugal love. Otherwise, after the negative perceptions of sexuality absorbed during my years in Catholic School, I might never have gotten married. Thanks Mom for explaining things in a positive light.
• my Mother loved books and started a library at St. Michael the Archangel Church on Jerome Street in Brooklyn, NY.
• she loved the fact that her husband had a college education and worked in the Physics Department at Queens College and that they were exposed to highly educated, stimulating people.  
• my mother wanted to go to Ireland but sadly, never got there. 
• she wanted to drive but never took lessons.
• she loved being an O’Donnell and was disappointed that she had to give up her maiden name when she got married. 
• She would get mad at my father but told me on several occasions that she looked at other women's husbands and quickly decided she liked the one she had the best.   She said she wouldn’t trade her husband for any of the others.  
• my mother loved children. 
• she loved to sleep
• she loved ice cream and it was the last thing she ate before she died.  
• she took art classes in her later years and wasn’t a bad artist.
• she has wrote realms of journals and copybooks filled with her thoughts and feelings and what she ate for dinner. I can’t throw them out. 
• she was always planning outings and activities rather than planning for her death. 
• she left this earth 20 years ago but somehow she isn’t really gone. 
• when I am out shopping and I hear a woman say, “Mom”, I get jealous.  I have the urge to go over to the younger woman and tell her how lucky she is, but I restrain myself. 

Thank You Sergeant Bailey for holding “ Our Joe”

                          

HEADQUARTERS 

38TH INFANTRY REGIMENT

APO 248 c/o POSTMASTER 

SAN Francisco, California 

                                 January 31st, 1952 

Mrs. Marie O’Donnell 

73 Linden S. 

Brooklyn 21, New York 

Dear Marie:

Though I did not see your husband at the moment he was killed, - - - I usually stay at the aid or collecting Station because otherwise it would not be possible to see all the wounded - - - I talked to a Sergeant who was there, and who did see him.  His full name is Sergeant Fred E. Tillison, NG 33 915 816, also of Company A, and whose home address is: 311 9th Street, Columbus, Ga.  I will give you the information as the Sergeant told it to me. 

“ Lieutenant O’Donnell was leading the platoon in the attack on Hill 1100.  While in the attack the platoon was pinned down by hand-grenades ( thrown by the enemy ) and, smaller arms fire.  In order to neutralize this fire the Lieutenant led two machine gun squads around the left side of Hill 1100; and after a 45 minute fire fight there, he started to pull his men back. After the

Men started back, Lieutenant O’Donnell followed along the ridge.  While following along this ridge an enemy mortar round came in, wounding him fatally.  He did not regain consciousness.  Sergeant Wright and Private First Class May carried him behind a big rock and the medic, Sergeant Bailey went to him immediately.  He held the Lieutenant in his lap as he died. 

Marie, if you wish to correspond with these men, simply address their letters to Company A, 38th Infantry Regiment, APO 248 c/o Postmaster, San Francisco California. Sergeant Wright the medic, however, belongs to the 38th Medical Company, APO 248 Postmaster, San Francisco, California, and any correspondence to him should carry that address. On a separate piece of paper, I will give the home addresses of all of them, so that you may still contact them, even if they should be rotated or transferred. 

Our Lord has laid a heavy cross upon you, Marie, but I am sure that with God’s help, you will be able to rear your children successfully.  Always keep alive in them the memory of their good and brave father.  Remind them frequently how loving and kind he was to you and them, and how he prayed the rosary daily to honor Our Blessed Mother.  And finally how he went to mass and received Holy Communion before going into battle and to his death.  The knowledge of all these things will have a great influence upon their lives for good.  And so, they will beat with them not just the flesh and blood which their good father helped to give them, but also qualities of mind and heart that reflect his devotion to aGod and his family.

I hope some day to pay you and the children a visit. In the meantime, may God bless you all. 

                               Sincerely,

                               James R. Meder

                                Catholic Chaplain

Sergeant William G. Wright, US 55 102 008

R.R. #3 Columbus, Wisconsin 

Private First Class Bernie R. May

US 53 032 068

Route # 1,  Union Springs, Alabama 

Sergeant Robert L. Bailey, US 53 082 709

c/o Mr. H. C. Bailey 

Union Mills, Route # 2 North Carolina 

The Summer of 1962 - 43 years later

About 4 decades and a few years after last having a summer romance at Lake Oquaga, in 2005 my husband and I went for a weekend with friends to the newly renovated Chestnut Inn (previously known as the Chestnut Lodge). We had a marvelous time and before we headed back home to Latham, N.Y., we decided to grab an early dinner in Deposit, N.Y. , the little town down the hill from Lake Oquaga.  There are not many restaurants in Deposit but I thought I remembered a place that I had gone to in 1962.  I had no idea if it still existed but my sense of direction was accurate and we found a down-home place named Crane’s restaurant.  When I walked in, I knew it was the same place that RA took me me to way back in the summer of  '62. In case you’ve forgotten RA was the guy I had met at the Chestnut Lodge all those many years ago.
Bob and I sat at a booth and I opened up the "Memory Lane" scrapbook that I had brought with me to share with our friends during our nostalgic Chestnut Inn weekend.   The owner of the restaurant came over to our booth and I told him that I thought I had been to this place in the summer of 1962 with a local guy by the name of RA ( I used his real, full name when asking the owner of Crane's restaurant about him).  To my surprise he knew exactly who I was talking about.   I mentioned that all those years ago there had been a bit of a commotion at the bar and and I had wondered if the young woman involved could have been a girlfriend of his, and I was being brought there to make her jealous.     But I mentioned that I had kind of dismissed that possibility.  When that thought crossed my mind that summer night all those years ago, I thought, "how would he even have known that she was going to at this particular place on this particular night".  I told the current owner what I had thought and he surprised me when he answered "well, it's not surprising that she would be there, since her parents owned the place!   So, I had been naive and a bit stupid and even all these years later I felt rather foolish. I had been paraded under this young woman's nose purposely to make her jealous.  I felt like I had certainly been "used".     It was  later that same night on the way back to the Farmhouse summer vacation rental that RA abruptly stopped the car and forcefully attempted to grope me.

Before we left to go back home, Crane's current owner also told me that that particular woman ended up marrying RA but he had gotten the better part of the twosome and she had gotten the raw end of the deal.  Apparently, and I might add, from his perspective, RA was no prize and hadn't aged very well but he felt like his wife was quite a nice lady.   I was surprised to see from some research on Facebook (It is amazing what one can discover through Facebook), that RA was married in September 1963.  That surprises me a little because if I remember correctly it was the next summer ( 1963) that I was up to  Lake Oquaga for a short time and was walking with my Dad on the road in front of the Farmhouse when RA drove by in his car and stopped and called me over to the car.  I didn't know how he knew I was up to the Lake.  Since my father was at my side, I walked a few feet to the side of the car.  RA grabbed a small box out of the glove compartment and opened it up to show me an engagement ring.  I don't remember what he said or why he did this, all I remember is he did this.  I often wonder if he gave his girl the ring and married her the next month.   

If his wife's postings are any indication, she appears to have loved him dearly.  He died at 67 years of age and his wife seems to miss him terribly.  I am not sure what I meant to him or if he cared for me at all.  I hate to think he was completely “ using me” to make her jealous. 

I remember my 1961 summer sweetheart, Lyle Decker, with a lot more affection. 

I believe that the above photo was taken in 1963 when my father and I drove my cousin, Karen O'Donnell to get the train back to NYC.  I know the photo was definitely taken in Deposit, N.Y.  by my father.  I am aslo wearing a St. Vincent's Hospital School of Nursing Sweatshirt and I started Nursing School in September 1962.  ( I could have brought the shirt prior to starting school?).   

These summer romance stories do make me think of my Aunt Anne O'Donnell who never married.  I believe it is partly because the love of her life, Eddie Moran, was a country farmer, and she was already establised as a NYC business woman.  The change in lifestyles would have been just too much to overcome.   Can a city girl marry a country boy and find happiness?

Sent from my iPhone

Newspaper Clipping ( No date) " Many Are Rescued in Dash of Runaway"

The following is a clipping from an old newspaper.  It is about my maternal grandfather who grew up on a farm in St. Joseph's Pa.  I guess his experience as a "country boy" came in handy in the Big Apple.   I am proud of you Grandpa O'Donnell!!

Bravery of patrolman Thomas J. O'Donnell Saves Lives of Woman and Child.
OFFICER HIMSELF INJURED
Grasps Horse and Succeeds in Throwing It to Ground

A woman, her five year old son and a policeman narrowly escaped serious injury yesterday afternoon when a horse ran wild in Fulton street, between Albany and Tompkins avenues, and imperiled the safety of scores of pedestrians, who ran to safety in hallways or stores.

The woman, Mrs. Bertha O. Floyd, 25 years old, of 1490 Atlantic avenue, and her son, Frank, Jr., sustained bruises of the face and body when they were hurled from the path of the onrushing animal by Patrolman Thomas J. O'Donnell, of Atlantic avenue station, who grasped the horse around the neck.

The patrolman was dragged about a block before he managed to turn the animal into Kingston avenue, where he headed it toward a stonewall. As the animal reared at the wall, the wagon turned over and the horse fell on its side.  The policeman, bruised, and his uniform badly torn, climbed on the horse and sat on its head until people came to his rescue and helped him hold it.

Mrs. Floyd and her son were attended by Dr. Marcus of Jewish Hospital, who had been summoned by Patrolman O'Donnell. The patrolman had escaped serious injury and refused medical attention to bruises.

The horse, owned by Morris Levine, of 293 Ellery street, a painter, was attached to a wagon and had been left in Fulton street near Albany avenue by the driver, Isadore Lowenthal, of 494 East 139th street, the Bronx.  It was reported the horse might have been frightened by the whistle of an elevated train overhead, which caused it to start on a mad rampage down the street.

Patrolman O'Donnell had heard the cries of women and children as they rushed to safety.  He saw the animal dashing down the street, with the wagon swaying from one side to the other of the street. Directly in the path of the animal was Mrs. Floyd and her son.

The patrolman ran across the street and bolted over the woamn and boy just in time to prevent them from being run down. At the same time he reached up and clasped his arms about the neck of the animal, and by turning the horse's head, directed it toward the stone wall. 

A Postcard dated August 30,1909

Once again, in my endless endeavor to preserve out family's history for future generations, I share a postcard written by Margaret Mary Coleman to Mr. T. J. O'Donnell.  The postcard is stamped Aug 30, 3P.M. 1909, Binghamton, N. Y.
It is addressed to T. J. O'Donnell, State Hospital, Binghamton, N. Y. 
It says, " Just reached town today. Am going on Stage this P. M. Hope to see you at Fair. I expect to take it in. Margaret "
My grandfather ( T.J. O'Donnell ) left the family farm where he grew up in St. Joseph, PA to take a job as an orderly at Binghamton State Hospital and my grandmother ( Margaret Mary Coleman ) was a teacher in a one room schoolhouse.  Having been born on Feb 16, 1887, Margaret was 22 years old at the time.  T. J. was having been born on March 22, 1885, was 2 years older.
It seems obvious that Margaret was interested in T. J. at that point in her life, although they did not marry until many years later on January 19 , 1916 ( St. Patrick's Church in Middletown Center, Pa).
Margaret was just shy of her 30th birthday.  No wonder she dismissed her students for the rest of the day when the mailman delivered her engagement ring to her schoolhouse! seems she waited a long time to marry her man. 

The Summer of 1962 - Prevalent theories regarding Sexuality in the early 60’s

For the younger women out there:

This is how the Sexual Mores was back in the day, ( I was born on March 9, 1945 and came of age just before the sexual revolution). This is my perspective, and others of my era may have different viewpoints. I learned that women were basically responsible for the behavior of men - i.e., by their nature men were the sexual aggressors and it was the woman’s responsibility to draw the line and keep them under control.  Therefore any sexual improprieties were basically presumed to be the woman’s fault.  Certainly if a woman got pregnant it was her fault!  Typically the baby would be primarily the responsibility of the woman. 

My father as I got older said I should “let the rope out slowly” . (I think that maybe he was afraid I’d never get married otherwise). He also jokingly said that the woman was the flower pot whereas the man was the master gardener.  I am sure you  have heard the statement that a lot of serious things are said in jest. 

It was expected that a woman would be a virgin when she got married but it was okay if a man had some sexual experience prior to marriage. In fact, it was almost better if he had some experience before his wedding night! How exactly can that happen unless certain women are “used”. 

Since I shared my own story of an aggressive sexual attack, I have been surprised by the number of friends who have had similar experiences of forceful sexual advances. It was pretty prevalent and not much became of it.  After all, unless you could present some sperm as “hard evidence” you were basically a voice crying out in the wilderness!  As they say in Brooklyn, “Forgetaboutit!” 

I felt that my basic understanding of human sexuality was detrimentally influenced by Catholic teachings and underlying philosophies concerning sexuality and virginity. But this could be an entire book in and of itself so I won’t elaborate anymore on it here.