Discussion regarding Birth Control

I recently met a new friend at a summer get-together and we are sharing our thoughts and beliefs regarding our Catholic Church.  We both consider ourselves Roman Catholic but our views are on total opposite ends of the spectrum.  Having this opportunity to discuss our thoughts and ideas is exciting and stimulating to me as typically many people either don't want to have these types of discussions or else scream and rant and rave about their viewpoints.  Hopefully, thinking more deeply about my beliefs and writing down my thoughts will help me to clarify in my own mind what I actually do and don't believe and why.   I believe that the Catholic Church is too focused on the negative aspects of human sexuality.  Celibacy was never a requirement for the priesthood until the middle ages when the church decided it did not want inheritances to be left to the sons of the clergy and hierarchy.  It wanted the monies to be kept within the church structure.  Human sexuality is a gift from God. After all, God created human sexuality.  I believe that it is "not good for man to be alone".  I believe that God does not expect or want married couples to live together as brother and sister.  If natural birth control (the ideal from many perspectives) fails then married couples should feel no guilt for using other forms of birth control. I honestly believe that to live as brother and sister in a marital relationship is an insult to God. I came to this conclusion many years ago as a young nurse at Downstate Medical Center in Brooklyn, NY when I gave Birth Control instructions to a sweet, young girl who recently emigrated from Italy to the US.   Her daughter was a patient of mine in the Pediatric Specialty Clinics at Downstate Medical Center.  She had a serious genetic condition known as Thalassemia Major.   When the father and mother carry the trait, each pregnancy has a 1 in 4 chance of the child having the full blown disease.  This is a serious, painful condition and the children affected came to our clinic once every 3 to 4 weeks in order to get life-saving blood transfusions. They do not develop normally and typically (at least back in the late 1960's) died in their teen years.  Prior to this experience, I swallowed the philosophy that artificial birth control was against the "Natural Law".  Asking a young, loving, married couple to live as brother and sister is against the "Natural Law"  and worse yet, I believe it is contrary to the will of a loving God.   I do believe that there are sexual sins, primarily sins that are based on selfishness and hurtfulness (lack of love).  Otherwise, God created sex and made it pleasurable and the Catholic church needs to get over its hangups in this regard. If a person wants to make the sacrifice of celibacy as a special gift given to God, that is their prerogative but I do not believe that it should be a requirement for the priesthood or religious life.  I believe that there is too much emphasis on the marvelous nature of virginity.   What is this indirectly saying about God's creation of man and woman and human sexuality?  What exactly is so special about virginity??

Mary remembers a little more of what Poppi remembers

So, I forgot to tell you a couple of things that Poppi told me.   When he was a child the house he lived in (North Vermont St, Vermont Ave., etc) did not have central heating.  The heat was provided by a coal/wood burning stove in the kitchen and the heat rose upstairs through "at least two or more" flat iron grates/holes/vents  in the floor. This method did "a pretty good job" of heating the house.   Eventually radiators were installed and heating was centralized.  
Water was heated in a "kettle of sorts" on the kitchen stove and then this heated water was carried upstairs to the bathroom and dumped into the tub for the weekly bath.  There was no central hot water heater.  Poppi did not have to use an "out house".  As far back as Poppi can remember the house had indoor plumbing and a toilet that could be flushed by pulling a cord from an overhead water closet.   Initially the lighting in the house was via gas.   There were mantels that "glowed" placed over the gas jets.  Poppi describes these mantels as "skinny, white, fragile substances".   Poppi remembers getting in trouble on more than one occasion for jumping in the upstairs bedroom and breaking one or more of these very fragile  gas mantels downstairs. 
Poppi remembers that sometime when he was a little boy electricity was brought into the neighborhood via electric poles.  At that point his Uncle Frank (husband of his Aunt Mae - Aunt Mae was my grandmother, Elizabeth Daniel Fries' sister - Aunt Mae and Uncle Frank were the parents of his cousin Flo Leuzzi who lived in Franklin Square) wired the house for electric lights.  As an aside, Poppi's cousin Flo is still in touch with Poppi.  Flo is in her 90's also and considers Charlie one of her favorite cousins.
In 1937, when the Interboro Parkway was constructed, the electric wires were placed underground.   When he married and bought the house next door to his birth home ( # 62) Poppi accessed the underground electric cable, spliced into it and and changed the voltage coming into his house from the standard (110?) to 220 volts (sorry my knowledge of electricity is sorely lacking).  Sounds scary to me.  I'm glad he didn't electrocute himself.   Currently, although the man is 97 years old, he is still supervising an electrical wiring job that Bob is doing on out new back porch.  He know his electricity!

Poppi Remembers

I had some time to sit with Poppi tonight after coming from my weekly Scripture Discussion group and I really enjoyed the memories he shared with me.  I only wish I had recorded tonight’s stories as his memories about these long ago times are so crystal clear and concise.  He speaks of Street names that I should remember a lot better given that I am 30 years younger and grew up in the same neighborhood but I am already forgetting which street was which.

Forgive me but in order to get some of the facts down before I forget them I have not been too careful with grammar and style.  

So here goes- Grandpa Joseph Fries (Poppi’s father) bought the house on Interboro Parkway (# 64) in 1913, 2 years before Poppi was born.   The street was named North Vermont Street (# 8) at the time and then renamed # 8 Vermont Ave before being re-named Interboro Parkway after the parkway was built which happened while Poppi was in Brooklyn College (he remembers hearing construction vehicles as he studied for exams).  I believe the address is now #64 Jackie Robinson Parkway but I don’t know that for certain.   Uncle Joe Fries, Poppi’s older brother was born in Williamsburg Brooklyn (German Town) before his parents moved to their new house in the “countrified area” of Queens.   The county border was later moved and the house was then in Brooklyn rather than Queens.   At the time, this area was far different from Williamsburg which was much more populated and congested.  Grandpa Fries heard that the house on North Vermont Street was up for sale from someone he met at work by the name of Mr. Maybeck (I think he might have been a cop with Grandpa).  Poppi (Charles A. Fries, Sr.) was born in the front bedroom of the house.  His mother, Elizabeth Daniel, was assisted by a midwife.  

Poppi remembers that while he was growing up, large groups of cows would pass by on the dirt road in front of the house.  Poppi is not sure where they came from but he believes they were on their way to the slaughter house.  Periodically a truck would come along which would spray tar over the dirt to keep it firmer and less blow away.  There were no sidewalks but rather planks of wood that were approximately about a foot and a half wide and several feet long that were placed together in a row  and were used as a walkway.   When he left for school in the morning (to go to St. Michael’s Elementary School on Jerome Street- the German parish as opposed to St. Malachy’s Church which was the Irish parish), Poppi would leave via the back door of his house and go across on the property behind his house which for awhile belonged to his Aunt Mary and her family. He  would cross Crosby Avenue and get out to Miller Hill which was also wooden slates at this time in order to get down to the area of St. Michael’s.  Poppi was in class with Father Godfrey (I’ll have to ask Poppi what his first name was before becoming a priest- in the 5^th grade class photo he is listed as J. Leuchinger).  There are 34 boys in the photo – all are wearing shirts and ties and Poppi is one of only three kids who are wearing glasses. Poppi’s glasses are perfectly round and remind me of the glasses he wears to this day.  His white shirt appears to be starched and ironed meticulously and his tie appears to be white or at least very light in color.  I dare say he is the most dapper guy in the entire photo and he looks so cute with his happy little smile.  The title on the photo says St. Michael’s School Fifth Grade.   Father Godfrey is also in the photo. 

After spending two years is a pre-seminary school in Garrison, NY Poppi started Bushwich High School on 400 Irving Avenue in the Bushwich section of Brooklyn.  He would cross through a fence that was in the area of Crosby Avenue and walk through a grassy field on his way over to the high school.  It was probably about a 30 minute walk.  Poppi remembers this as a very pleasant time.

Miracles of Newtown

The night before last the parents of 7 year old, Grace McDonnell, asked to be interviewed so they could share the wonder of their little girl with the rest of the world. They astonished and amazed me, truly amazed me. I could not believe how composed they were. I could not believe how accepting they seemed to be of their new painful reality - life without their little girl. Grace sounded like a remarkable, amazing child and they certainly appeared to be marvelous, loving, remarkable parents. When they, along with their son, went to say their last good-byes to little Grace, they brought a stack of colorful markers with them. Grace loved art so before they left her, they had filled her little white coffin with beautiful vibrant pictures. I was glued to the TV set and as I watched them and listened to them, I said to myself, this seems like some kind of miracle. What else could it be? Then I thought about their daughter's name being "Grace" and I realized she was named appropriately. It was definitely amazing Grace. Honestly, what else could it be? Tonight I listened to the father of a 6 year old little boy, Jesse Lewis. His story pierced my heart. I was sobbing. His little boy told him that he wanted this to be the best Christmas ever. I cannot remember all the things he said, it was truthfully too painful to hear. But what he said at the end of the short interview made me realize that this too was amazing grace or some sort of miracle. He said he wanted to express his sorrow and offer his condolences to all the other families who lost loved ones including Adam Lanza's father and brother. He added that he realized they were suffering just like he was and they weren't to blame for what Adam did. Can you imagine having this presence of mind, this dignity and strength when you, yourself are in such excruciating agony? It seems like nothing short of a miracle to me.

What a Book! Finally something that makes sense to me.

The following information regarding the crucifixion was taken from a book entitled, “Repair My House – becoming a Kindom Catholic” written by Michael H. Crosby (Michael H. Crosby is a Capuchin Franciscan with degrees in economics and New Testament spirituality.)    Regarding the title, Repair My House” – St. Francis of Assisi heard this instruction from a crucifix in a ruined chapel, inspiring his radical mission of church renewal.   Bob and I were blessed to see Assisi and this crucifix when we traveled to Italy a year ago (October 20110).

Taken from page 11 & 12 

“………at a deeper theological level, the form of child abuse that is too often actually promoted has been part of our mindset for centuries.  This refers to the soteriology (salvation story) that it was “God the Father’s will that Jesus, His only Son, die on the cross in order to save us from our sins.”  In other words, God the Father willed that Jesus be killed as the way God decided could be the only way to bring about atonement for humanity’s sins.   This is child abuse, by any definition.  It is just less violent to say that God willed Jesus to die than to say God wanted Jesus to be killed.  Interpreted literally, this would make God at least complicit in child abuse, the murder of “His own Son,” for in Catholic theology to will the sin to occur is to be guilty of it as much as the one who makes it happen.   Furthermore, for such a killing, God would have to have willed that those doing the killing violate God’s own revelation as found in the Fifth Commandment, “Thou shalt not kill.”  Again, God would be guilty of breaking God’s own commandment.

I am happy to belong to the Franciscan tradition for many reasons, but one of them involves the rejection of such a “theological” notion.  Indeed, Blessed John Duns Scotus taught that God, being unconditioned by anything (or anyone) but love, could “only come to earth” for one reason: to manifest that love.  Therefore the reason for the incarnation was not the sin of humans but God’s love. The death of Jesus was the inevitable consequence of that love, but never willed by God. “

The sentences below are paraphrased from pages 94 and 137:

It was the evangelical radicalism of the message of Jesus which led him to be crucified as subversive to the imperial household (i.e., the Roman Empire).   

There is also an understanding expressed that there was no necessary reason for God to come to earth except love that is unconditional.

The Sense of Loss

Our World is in mourning this weekend.  The tragic events that took place on Friday morning are  unimaginable.  It's feels like a horrendous nightmare but one from which I can't seem to wake up.    How could six staff members and twenty little children (6 and 7 year olds) be shot dead in their classrooms at an elementary school in such a bucolic, peaceful town?  Even the school's name makes it sound safe - Sandy Hook Elementary - grades K through 4.    Today, I stare more intently at my 7 year old grandson and hug him tighter and longer and my heart breaks for those parents and grandparents who can't do the same.
I'm feeling such pain and then I think of them and the unbearable, unspeakable, everlasting pain experienced by those who lose their own.

The following poem was written by Sister M. Rosina, IHM (The Sisters, Servants of the Immaculate Heart of Mary), great aunt of Rita Mary O'Donnell Fries. 
This poem was written after Sister M. Rosina observed the children of Margaret (Coleman) and TJ O'Donnell playfully reenacting their grandmother's funeral when one of Anna Rose's dolls lost its head.

 I know that Rita's dolls are well,

And each one dressed just like a belle;

Maureen informs me she has five,

And Dorothy has three alive.

But poor dear little Anna Rose!

Her heart is filled with grief and woes;

Her only dolly broke its head,

And Doctor Dot said it was dead. 

They called the undertaker in;

He brought a coffin lined with tin;

With cambric crepe and fair field flowers,

They mourned the doll for two straight hours.

Miss Rita sent the "Gates Ajar"

Maureen, an anchor: Dot a star;

But sympathetic Baby Joe

Cried more than all the rest, I know.

At half past three the bell was tolled

And in a grave both deep and cold

They placed the doll that fair June day,

Then gaily scampered back to play.

But one alone refused to leave

And lingered by the grave to grieve.

I vainly tried to tell her why

"Tis wrong to mourn when dollies die.

She raised her tear-stained face and sighed,

"I know but it was mine that died."

God comfort little Anna Rose.

Dear heart! She'll learn where'er she goes,

That lasting grief is seldom known

Except to those who lose their own.

 

Within My Heart

This little song was written in March 1994 in honor of a tiny little child named Joseph Adam.  I think of him now as the sweet "December Child" (December 2nd - December 26th 1993).
Today when I think of him, I also remember another little "December Child".  His name is Joseph too.  My baby brother, Joseph O'Donnell Fries, was born and died on Dec. 11th 1956.
Sadness can be overwhelming.
But both Josephs live forever within our hearts.
And today, on the occasion of my Aunt Anne R. O'Donnell's 92nd birthday,  ( Dec. 10, 1920 - Oct. 7, 1994) I also remember the tears she shed when she heard us sing, "Within My Heart". 
She said that the verse in the song:

"Then, when my time on earth must end, I'll have no fear, I'll have my friend.  The one I love will be with me now and through eternity.  The love that started one spring day will never die or go away..."

made her think of her sister, Dot (Dorothy Regina O'Donnell) who died on June 2nd, 1942 at the age of 22.
Dot was born on Dec. 7th 1919 and Anne was born one year later on Dec. 10, 1920.  They were very close and the best of pals and Anne believed that she would see her beloved sister and dearest friend, Dot, when her time on earth was over.  We had no idea her time on earth would be over later that year.  But it gave me comfort to think that somehow, some way she had her friend, Dot, to meet and embrace her. 
And today I hope and pray and like to believe that they are celebrating their December birthdays together.

Within My Heart

Music: composed by Joseph Carrick

Lyrics: written by Mary Beth Buchner

Copyright: March 1, 1994

Chorus:

You’re here with me,

Within my heart

And there you’ll stay

Your spirit lives inside of me

This part of you will always be

And when I see the sun arise

You’ll see it too

You’ll use my eyes

You’ll use my feet to do your dance

I promise you, you’ll have your chance

You’ll sing your song

You’ll have your day

I’ll never let you go away

I’ll keep your warm and safe and sound

Within my heart

Chorus:

You’re here with me,

Within my heart

And there you’ll stay

Your spirit lives inside of me

This part of you will always be

You’ll build a castle in the sand

You’ll shape its’ form

You’ll use my hands

You’ll run though snow that looks like lace

My ice cream cone’s for you to taste

And when my life is dark and blue

I’ll look inside

And I’ll find you

You’ll put a smile upon my face

You’ll be the breath of peace and grace that sees me though

Chorus (music only)

And as I walk down through the years,

Throughout my life,

The laughs, the tears,

The joy and pain that’s filled my heart

You’ll be there still

You always will

Within my heart

 

Then, when my time on earth must end

I’ll have no fear,

I’ll have my friend

The one I love will be with me

Now and through eternity

The love that started one spring day

Will never die or go away

I’ll keep you warm and safe and sound

I’ll hug you close and feel you here

I’ll keep you warm and safe and sound

Within my Heart