A Question Too Dangerous To Ask

I recently attended a “meet and great” session for a group of young seminarians at a local church in the Capital District. They were, of course, all male, and they were in different stages in their pursuit of the end goal of ordination to the priesthood in the Roman Catholic Church. All but one were already wearing the Roman Collar. The parishioners asking the questions were seated in an enormous circle around the large room of the parish center. The “priests in training” were directed to one area of the circle and were seated next to each other. I didn’t take an exact count but a rough estimate is that there were about 10 bright and smiling faces in this black, priestly garb. I believe three of the young men were from countries in Africa, and one earnest, young man -intent on mastering the English language -was from Vietnam. I believe only two of the young men were native born Americans. The pastor who was leading the conversation stood inside the circle, tightly guarding the mic 🎤. I understood the instructions that the Deacon and his wife were going to be invited to ask the first couple of questions and then the questioning would proceed from there. I didn’t know that this meant the questions were to be asked around the circle in a specific direction, which turned out to be my first mistake. In retrospect I realized that the questioning was also one-sided, meaning the parishioners asked the seminarians questions rather than visa versa. It didn’t take me long to start feeling a bit bored. The Deacon and his wife and a few others asked what I considered substantial, meaningful questions. One question about welcoming individuals from the LGBTQA+ community was answered in a rather general way, i.e., “ all are welcome “ . Maybe I had the wrong idea, but frankly I was expecting the discussion of meatier topics, and I was hoping to get a deeper understanding of these young men. Instead, rather superficial questions were being asked. It appears the group sponsoring the “Meet and Greet “ met ahead of time and were groomed as to the type of questions considered appropriate. Many of the parishioners read the question directly from a piece of paper they were holding. It seemed rather contrived and unnatural to me especially since the questions were so simple: “ What is your favorite food?”, “What was your favorite book?”, Who is one person you admire most?”, etc. I had a question that was near and dear to my heart ❤️ so I raised my hand. After several attempts at raising my hand, one of the facilitator ladies, came up behind my chair and put her hand on my shoulder so the Pastor would see that I had a question. It worked, but to my chagrin maybe it shouldn’t have. Before even asking my question, the Pastor announced that he was told the questioning was to proceed around the circle in an orderly fashion and I was on the other side of the circle insinuating quite clearly that it wasn’t yet my turn. In my defense I honestly missed this part of the initial directions. Nonetheless, I felt a bit embarrassed that I had “stepped out of line”. It was somewhat awkward to be called out publicly for my indiscretion. I’m an 80 year old “Cradle Catholic”, and I have a long history of being reprimanded for my honest and sincere questions. It seems that certain things are not to be addressed openly and honestly in the Catholic Church. But, since I was now in the position to speak, I asked the young seminarians, “ What do you envision the role of women to be in your church communities? “ I was quite surprised by the pastor’s response. He grabbed the microphone 🎤 from me and proceeded to say that he would handle this question himself. He proceeded to say very emphatically that everyone knows how much women do in his parish, emphasizing that he couldn’t do without them. But since this is a theological issue currently being addressed by highly educated theologians, it’s not going to be discussed here. ( Please note: I’m paraphrasing here as to what was said and how I heard it). Nonetheless, it was the only question during the entire hour and a half “Meet and Greet “that the seminarians were not allowed to answer. Near the end of the formal meeting I turned to my friend in the circle and whispered that I felt like crying 😢. As soon as the meeting was over the pastor came over to us and tried to smooth over what had happened. He said something to the effect that he had to be protective of the seminarians and asking them that question could have be damaging. His goal is to get them ordained.