A Letter from my Mother, dated May 19, 2021 Part II

 

....continued from "A Letter from my Mother dated May 19, 2021" posted on 5-24-21

After spending time in quiet solitude identifying our tear and “drawing” the contents of this particular tear, we broke into small groups to share (testify) our lamentation.   The others in our group were witnesses to each others’ testimony. 

Here is a brief excerpt from our workshop information which might help to explain the experience:

“Lament is a relational act in which testifier and witness are transformed.  Testifiers, in being heard to voice anew and afresh, learn from the utterances that emerge between the witnesses and themselves.  Testifiers hear their testimonies again as if for the first time.  The witnesses, because of the relational imperative implicit in the testifiers’ desire to connect and engage, are exposed, vulnerable, and through such an encounter, changed.”

The next day, May 19, 2021, we were given this directive:

LETTER WRITING

Who do you desire to hear from regarding your tear? Who would most understand your tear? Who might offer you comfort and direction? Who offers a safer space to share your tear? What might this person want you to hear?

We were told to think of ourselves as the transcriptionist, and to allow this person’s words to come through our pen/pencil onto the paper.  We were told not to worry about proper grammar or spelling, but simply to let the message flow through our hand.   We were told to empty ourselves and allow our chosen writer to express his or her thoughts.  

Once again, I knew instantly that my mother was the one that I needed to hear from.  I knew she was the one who would most understand my tear.  Actually, I didn’t know how much comfort I would receive because I knew how deeply her heart was broken by her brother’s untimely, violent death.  Nonetheless, I wanted to connect with her and hear what she had to say.   I sat alone in silence and in solitude in my recliner in the far corner of my family room and I began to transcribe the letter my mother was dictating to me.   It was so very easy to put down on paper since I didn’t have to give it any thought.  I just wrote what she wanted to say to me.   The letter seemed to take “no time at all” and when I was finished, I was a bit surprised by what she chose to say to me.  When I was reading it back to myself afterwards, I realized that my mother’s message might also bring comfort to the rest of Joe’s family.   Joe’s death brought a deluge, a massive flood of tears. 

Here is my Mother’s letter:  

 

                                                                                                  May 19, 2021

Dear Mare,

First I want to say how much I love you my dear daughter. 

I have some things I’d like to share with you about your Uncle, my beloved brother, Joe.  I know you were deeply affected by your Uncle Joe’s untimely, violent death as we all were. Even though it was 70 years ago, it was in many ways just a heartbeat away. And, you are very accurate in your feeling that the entire family was devastated by Joe’s death. Yes, we were all literally heartbroken and his loss stayed with us as you so aptly described, as a blanket of grief covering us. Of course the immediate intense pain lessened over time but loosing Joe was a wound that never completely healed.

Mary, I have certain deep-seated memories of that time also. I remember the disbelief and the numbness, the anger and the excruciating heartache.  

I also remember how the family came together and prayed and how Marie, Sharon and Diane were surrounded and supported by our love and caring. Joe was no longer around to take care of his beloved family in a physical sense but believe me, Mary, I know now that Joe’s strong and beautiful spirit surrounded and protected them always in all ways. He was with them when Sharon and Diane married and he felt happy with their choices in spouses. He was thrilled when each of his grandchildren was born. He knew, even though you wondered about his awareness. His body wasn’t present but his spirit was alive and present and rejoicing.

Even when Marie died so tragically he was with her and welcomed her, as she was truly the love of his life. We couldn’t understand or accept this second tragic death but I hope it will comfort you to know that Marie died instantly and landed immediately into Love’s embrace.

I can’t really explain this after-life experience because it would be beyond your current level of understanding but believe me, Mary, it is an indescribably joyous existence where love and community are all that really exists and matters. Try to accept the fact that we are all connected, and there is no sorrow, there are no tears except for the tears of joy.  Truly, my tears have been turned into dancing.  I’m so happy, so at peace with all those people I loved while on earth.

Try to accept this reality. I’m still aware and understand you now better than I ever did when my body restrained my spirit, When you feel some sadness let your mind imagine us all together again in perfect joy and peace. And, Mary, remember that even now you can come to me at any time, for I’m here to support and comfort you.

Daddy, Aunt Anne and of course, Uncle Joe and Aunt Marie and all the rest of our large and loving family send their love to you and to the entire family.  Until we talk again, remember I love you.                               Love, Mom