Wisdom Gleaned from Our Marriage

Since we are fast approaching our 48th Wedding Anniversary, Athena and Christine asked us to share some of the lessons that we’ve learned about marriage. Another way you might put it is, “ How the hell did you make it this far?! We were humbled by their request as we certainly don’t consider ourselves any kind of experts and I dare say luck has a lot to do with it.

Mary Beth speaks: First of all our Initial Spark was an exciting and important component. 

We also had a lot in common in our background, including our Irish-German heritage. ( Bob's Mom was baptized Loretta Carney and my Mom, Rita Mary O'Donnell - Bob is a Buchner and my family name was Fries)
Nonetheless our 1st year of marriage was tough, some would even define it as " brutal".  

Bob speaks: I remember an Anniversary card that my brother, Bill, sent us after our first year of marriage, showing Clark Gable coming in off the desert looking half dead and the words on the card read, “Glad to see you made it through the year”.  Being married was certainly a learning curve for me! 

Mary Beth speaks: Then Bob’s promise to me that our love would be different and would survive the test of time held me in place and really meant something special to me.  Many times over the last 48 years I thought about this initial promise Bob made to me at the beginning of our relationship. As unromantic as it sounds I believe that we make a conscious decision to continue to love each other even when the feelings are subdued or less than stellar. 

Love is not just a feeling it is also a commitment to each other.
A sense of humor helped us survive many an argument. 

(One thing that I had to my advantage was the fact that I was a nurse. I was not the first nurse that Bob ever dated and he was really looking for free nursing care for life!)

I have immensely enjoyed watching Bob show love to others - how can you not love a person who is gentle and kind to old people and young children alike? That kind of behavior is a real aphrodisiac. Surrounding ourselves with loving friends such as Athena and Christine and their darling children certainly helps a marriage survive and flourish. Thank You for that wonderful gift.
I like the fact that Bob isn’t especially jealous and that he was, and is, strong enough to let me do my own thing. (He doesn't suppress my outspoken opinions either!)
I believe it is important that we have been able to forgive each other (sometimes over and over and over again) and that we are relatively patient with each other’s shortcomings. 
He was never any good at writing mushy love letters but his actions spoke volumes - I like that he was able to make me feel his love through the things he did for me and the people I love.

Bob speaks:

I think our marriage has been aided by: 

Our ability to communicate clearly and often.

Telling each other that we’re thankful for having each other in our life.

Making time for the two of us as a couple, and also leaving some personal time for each of us.

As Mary Beth said earlier, learning to forgive.  If we would have an argument and be angry with each other, we tried to never go to sleep without saying we’re sorry.

Here are a few things that I’ve learned on a lighter side:

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other person is me.

If you’re wrong and you shut up you’re wise.  If you’re right and you shut up, you’re married.

I’ve never laughed at Mary Beth’s choices since I am one of them.

Even as an accountant, I learned new math after marriage.  If I have $20 and Mary Beth has $5, then she has $25.

A great marriage is NOT when the perfect couple comes together.  

  

It’s when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.

And with that we thank you for listening!

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