Perspective and Forgiveness

My sister thinks it is time for me to forgive Sr. Delores. She thinks it will do me good. This suggestion made me go to the trouble of looking up the definition of forgiveness in the dictionary. This is what I found: to cease to feel resentment against (an offender), to give up resentment of or claim to requital for (an insult), to grant relief from payment of, to excuse. So I am thinking have I done all this regarding the incident with Sr. Delores? Have I ceased to feel resentment against her? Honestly, probably not.
But neither do I want or expect her to pay in any way, shape or manner, for what she did to hurt me all those years ago. I have even found excuses for her; I have thought about the things that might have caused her to behave the way she did. I also realize that the story I have related to you is from my perspective only. It is my story and how I believe it happened. Maybe it wasn't exactly as I remember it. Maybe if someone spoke to Sr. Delores, she would have a totally different perspective. Plus, these were different times. Discipline measures that wouldn't be acceptable now, were acceptable back then. And, it wasn't just Sr. Delores who acted this way in the year 1957. And it wasn't just a Catholic school thing either. Although I do have to attest to the fact that in my experience- after that having been in public school from kindergarten until the end of 4th grade- I have nothing but fond memories. I loved PS 76. I enjoyed school tremendously and I was an excellent student. I did so well on one test in 3rd grade that they even wanted to send me to a school for the talented and gifted. I didn't go - again another story for another time. It was only when I entered 5th grade at St. Michael the Archangel's School on Jerome St. in Brooklyn that the s--t hit the fan. I was not cut out for Catholic School. I honestly was not.
So, maybe I have partially forgiven Sr. Delores. But I still don't accept that what she did to me was right and I will never believe that any child should be assaulted and humiliated in such a manner. Some people have questioned why I am still a practicing Catholic after having had some pretty awful experiences in the Catholic Schools ( the negative experience with Sr. Delores was not the only one)and with the Catholic Church. In spite of these things, I am still a practicing Catholic. And, I have very specific, well-thought out reasons why this is so. But for tonight, let me end with forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And, with the help of God, may I learn to forgive those things that I still need to forgive.
With love, Mary Beth
PS A photo taken by my Dad for our Dec. 1954 Christmas Card. Older sister, Mary Beth, teaches baby sister, Margaret Mary, about baby Jesus. In 2010, Margaret Mary teaches older sister, Mary Beth, about forgiveness.