Rita’s Red Notebook

My mother’s notes:

The following paragraph was written by my maternal grandmother ( Margaret M. Coleman ) in a book that contains a record of my grandmother’s expenditures and contains information from 1909 to 1932. 

“ Tuesday, Sept. 6, 1911 

Commenced teaching at Baldwin’s school. The day is going off rather slowly as I have but four pupils.  It is cold and dark and gloomy today. We have the threshers at home.” 

The following is my mother’s ( Rita O’Donnell Fries ) handwriting:

In February 1901 Frank Coleman slipped on a huge, icy boulder sustaining a compound fracture of the leg. He seemed to be well on the road to recovery, in fact, the Doctor had given him permission to get up the next day, when approximately six weeks later, on Good Friday evening, April 2, 1901, while reading in bed with his little daughter, Noreen, he died unexpectedly of a blood clot, (I believe it was called apoplexy).  When Frank died suddenly at the age of 39, he left his wife, Hannah ByrneColeman with seven children and one on the way - Kathleen was born in September 1901, six months after father’s death. 

My grandmother, Margaret M. Coleman, who was fourteen years old at the time, was home with her Mom and Dad and little sister, Noreen when her Dad dropped the book and fell back on his pillow. None of the boys were home at the time, and Margaret ran alone to try to get help but to no avail as Frank had died instantly of a blood clot. Hannah Byrne Coleman, who was only 35 years old at the time of Frank’s death, was a brave, energetic, loving woman raised eight children alone.  Since Margaret was the oldest (14 years old - having been born on February 16, 1887)much of the responsibility fell on her shoulders. 

Her brother, Lawrence, was born a year after Margaret, on March 31, 1888, and the relationship between Lawrence and Margaret was a close and loving one.  My grandmother told my Mother that she was closer to Lawrence than to any of her other brothers and sisters. 

After Christopher (Chris), came Martin (Mart), Anna May,  Francis, Norine (? Noreen). There were two other children who died in infancy (one was named Mary). Kathleen, the youngest, was born posthumously, in September 1901. 

My Father describes his work activities in his early days with Queens College, Flushing, NY

This is a section taken from a draft letter written in pencil on scrap paper  (I can only surmise that it was recopied in pen on nicer stationery before being mailed to a guy named Bill,  that my Dad ( Charles A. Fries Sr) worked with at Devega ( A company involved with radios) 

“ A few words on history of CF ( i.e., Charles Fries )to keep you up to date. I became a Lab Assistant at QC ( i.e., Queens College) in 1938. A year or two later, the whole works was made civil service and my title was changed to Jr. Physicist- same duties. Then came the war and I became an Extension Division ( Evening Session) instructor of Radio Communications. In addition I taught radio to two classes of E. S. M. W. T. on alternate evenings. All the students were members of the Signal Corps Reserve. This was similar to the “ 63 Park Row” plan - but not the same. Then the A.S.T.P. moved into Queens College and I was made a full time instructor teaching Physics to the G.I.’s “ 

This A.S.T.P. teaching gave me a good salary and kept the draft board away. ......About two weeks ago the whole army educational program collapsed and all our soldiers “ joined the army”. The A.S.T.P. teachers are being absorbed by the research divisions of the larger colleges , and the remainder are getting commissions. I expect to go to Columbia University ‘s Radiation s Labs to work on radar. I already have the offer but am not yet released by Q.C. I hope I get re-established quite soon, because my 2A runs out in May and if things break the wrong way my new address will read “ Pvt Charles Fries”, etc. 

Somewhere in the above history I should have mentioned that I almost became an Associate Physicist ( P 3)  at Camp Evans, Belmar, N.J.  I wrote letters of recommendation s for my radio students to this Camp. Thus they got my name and sent me an offer of an immediate appointment as an Assistant Physicist ( P 2 ). I went there two times, bickering with them for a P3, ( a P2 was then effectively a cut in salary) but nothing came of it since Q.C. would not give me a leave of absence. Without this leave of absence I would have lost my civil service status.They told me my duties were to impact radar installations along the eastern coast. ( Little did they know how little I knew about radar installations.) 

Tomorrow I am going to look over a 300 watt “ Ham” transmitters. It is owned by W2LMN who is going overseas as a B-26 pilot. He used to work for me in the Physics Dept. and says he is giving me ( or this Dept) 1st crack at his equipment. He wants $100 for his outfit. If you are interested, let me know and I’ll give you more dope in the next letter.”

Facts about Guns

Gun-Related Injury Facts

• Nearly 1,300 children younger than 18 years of age die from shootings every year.
• 1 in 3 families with children have at least one gun in the house. It is estimated that there are more than 22 million children living in homes with guns.
• Most of the victims of unintentional shootings are boys. They are usually shot by a friend or relative, especially a brother.
• Nearly 40% of all unintentional shooting deaths among children 11-14 years of age occur in the home of a friend.
• Adolescents are at a higher risk for suicide when there is a gun in the home.

Myths About Guns

• Some parents believe that hiding their guns will prevent children from accessing them. However, 75% of children who live in homes with guns know where they are stored.
• Many parents think their children are not capable of firing a gun. However, children as young as 3 years old may be strong enough to pull the trigger of a handgun.
• Parents believe their children know the difference between real guns and toy guns, but in 16% of unintentional firearm deaths among children younger than 13 years of age, the gun was mistaken for a toy.
• Parents often believe their child would not touch a gun because “he knows better.” However, studies have found that most children will handle a gun if they find one, even if they have been taught not to.
• Some parents consider non-powder guns, like BB, pellet, and paintball guns, to be toys. These guns, which can fire at the speed of traditional guns, lead to nearly 22,000 injuries each year, especially eye injuries.

Gun Safety Tips

• The best way to keep your children safe from guns is to remove all guns from the home.
• If a gun is in the house, always keep it unloaded and locked. It should be out of reach and sight of children. Keep ammunition and guns locked in separate locations, not together.
• Safety devices, including gun locks, lock boxes and gun safes, should be used for every gun in the house.
• Storage keys and lock combinations should be hidden from children.
• Before visiting friends and relatives, ask if they have guns in their homes. If so, make sure they keep their guns unloaded and locked as well.
• Never leave children unsupervised in a home with a gun.

A Good Guy with a Gun

A Good Guy with a Gun 

I must admit I am biased when it comes to guns. Sometimes a personal experience will influence the way one thinks.  No matter what arguments to the contrary, this life event left deep-seated emotional scars that influenced my thinking.  

I remember walking into the hospital room on the 8th floor Pediatric Unit at St. Vincent’s Hospital in NYC and seeing the dark haired, handsome little boy lying in the  bed closest to the window. His family members sat by his bedside for hours on end. Even though visiting hours were rather stringent in the decade of the 60’s, we bent the rules for this little boy and his family.   Their sorrow was palpable even though it was obvious they were trying to mask it for the sake of Anthony.  Any smile I observed was plastic and weird.  The child still seemed “normal”.  I don’t remember if this young boy was even aware of the reality of his condition.  I don’t know if any of us adults, family and staff included, could honestly internalize the horrendous reality in front of us.  Sometimes in life you can’t recall every last detail of an experience but you can feel the overwhelming emotional pain that surrounded it. That is the part that stays enmeshed in your heart and soul forever.  This was the case in this incident. 

Anthony was probably 10 years old when he found the hidden gun and went to get the bullets that had been carefully hidden in another part of the house.  The gun belonged to his Grandfather.  I remember him as a gentle, loving man, a “good guy” by every stretch of the imagination. Now he sat at the head of his grandson’s bed, a broken man, a man who would never be whole again.   Little boys that age are inquisitive, and a lot of the time they are smarter than you think.  Anthony got a bullet in that gun and accidentally shot himself through the neck.  In medical terminology, Anthony, was now a quadriplegic.   It is easier for me to say that term than to define its meaning. Anthony could not move his arms or his legs and he would never, ever move them again.  Believe me when I say, having known the particulars of the story, this family was as good as any other family on earth. I am infuriated when people brush it off as negligence or act like this could never happen to them because they would be much more careful and responsible.  Accidents happen.  Not one of us is perfect. I know this man was a good guy with a gun.  But I know more than anything else in this world, he wished he never had that gun.   

This experience that colored my thoughts and feelings about guns was so heart-wrenching that it is hard to describe without reliving the pain.  

I remember it as a Living Wake on Pediatrics. 

The Decker Brothers - Meeting Mrs. Stanley Decker

The Decker Brothers - Meeting Mrs. Stanley Decker

Almost immediately the door is opened for me and I am invited inside by the Lady of the house.  I guess I was rather excited and nervous as I actually don’t remember for certain what I did next. I believe I handed over “Golden” who was still on the other end of my I-phone,  lending his encouragement and support.   It was as if he was it my ticket of entry as I tried to explain who I was and why I was at her doorstep. ( Who was I anyway? Some crazy old woman reminiscing about a brief but splendid summer romance that took place on a beautiful, serene lake decades earlier. ) This magical, coming-of-age experience left a lasting impression on me and the result was the “Story of the Decker Brothers” which somehow took on a life of its own.   I believe it made an impression on a lot of other people precisely because it is about love, which we realize, as we get near the end of our lives, is really the only thing that actually mattered all along. 

Mrs. Stanley Decker, i.e.,Tammy,  was very warm and most welcoming and for some reason, I didn’t feel that I was a stranger to her.   We chatted excitedly as if we were old friends and when I looked over her shoulder and noticed a young woman on the couch behind her,  she said, “ Oh this is Amara, she is a  young woman I take care of during the week.”  She called her son into the living room so I could see how much he looked like his Dad, Stanley. And, yes there is a striking resemblance! 

I explained quickly that that I was hoping to visit her husband, Stanley’s grave in the Afton Cemetery but I needed to hurry since my cousin was sitting in the car next to the Sunoco Station and she had absolutely no idea where I went. The truth of the matter was that my cousin, Sharon was literally ready to call the police to report a missing person. I had left the car to get better reception on my IPhone and when I never returned, Sharon went back into the little convenience store connected to the Sunoco Station looking for me. The attendant said I didn’t come  back into the store and at this point Sharon thought the whole thing seemed a bit like an episode out of “ The Twilight Zone”.  

Mrs. Tammy Decker gave me verbal directions on how to get to the correct cemetery and also explained approximately where her husband was buried. Because I was in a excited, hurried state of mind, my ability to focus was impaired and although I actually found the cemetery, I couldn’t locate Stanley Decker’s final resting place.  

I have been in touch with Tammy and I dare say we seem to be  kindred spirits. I imagine that one day we will meet again and she may escort me to Stanley’s

grave  and I can pay my respects and say a final goodbye.

Annie O’Donnell

 

December 10, 1920,   Brooklyn, NY October 7, 1994, Albany, NY 

Similar to real life my thoughts may not follow each other in any logical sequence
Things don’t always fit together in a way we think they should
Oftentimes, God’s plan is beyond our understanding
And in our humanness we don’t understand why Anne had to leave us so soon
It seems that deep inside many of us knew that Anne’s time to leave was coming
close and so we came to say our final good-byes in one way or another

We all wish we could have been there to hold Anne’s hand as she took her final giant step from this life into into eternity
And we might have felt saddened thinking Anne died alone in a hospital bed
But the truth of the matter is that Anne was far from alone, rather she held each and every one of us lovingly in her heart ❤️

Annie was a very beautiful woman, inside and out
Although she never married she was mother to us all and she felt the pain when any one of us was suffering
She was a feisty character, always willing to share her point of view
She was a clever businesswoman who lived simply and courageously
She never waived in her faith in God or her love of family
She shared her sense of playfulness with each generation of children
She loved a good party, a good story, and a good fight
The blood of Irish ancestry filled her veins
And the memories of youthful love and summers in Friendsville warmed her heart

This past winter when my little nephew, Joseph, died I wrote the lyrics to a song called, “ Within My Heart”
Anne shared with me that she especially liked a particular section of the song
because it reminded her of her relationship with her sister, Dot
The words go like this:
“ And when my life on earth 🌏 must end,
I’ll have no fear; I’ll have my friend
The one I love will be with me both now and through eternity “

When we were called to Anne’ s bedside very early Friday morning, her spirit seemed to communicate a great sense of joy in being reunited with her dearest friend, Dot.
Along with Dot, Joe and Marie, and T. J. and Margaret welcomed her with open arms
Anne went from our loving embrace right into theirs
The great love that supported her on this side made her passage to the next peaceful and secure
One part of her family handed her gently over to the other
Anne’s love of family had paid off in the end, making her passage easy and relaxed
What greater gift can anyone of us ask for than to be cradled in love at the moment of death
It might not have been an accident that I was sick the last couple of weeks and couldn’t participate
more fully in Anne’s medical intervention
I would have fought too hard to keep her alive and interfered with God’s Plan
Like my Aunt Anne, I can be stubborn and feisty, too
No, as hard as it is to move on I really believe Anne’s spirit was ready to fly

We’ll miss you Anne, but we believe you’re in a better place
And for some reason I feel Anne wants me to end by sharing this blessing for her:
“ May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back,
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
May the rains fall softly upon your fields
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand”