Remembering My Brother
We stood around
Charlie’s bed in the Surgical ICU looking down at the face of this man we knew
and loved so well for so many years. We
held onto his arms and legs, his face and shoulders, even his knees and toes. It was as if we were desperately trying to
hold him to this earth. Somewhere deep
inside me I thought if we held on
tight enough he wouldn’t leave us. One
thing I knew for sure was that not one of us was ready to lose this guy. This certainly was no ordinary man. The earth would not be the same without him.
Charles A. Fries, Jr. was the first born of his generation.
He was the first grandchild born to Joseph & Elizabeth Fries on the
Fries side of the family as well as the first grandchild born to TJ &
Margaret O’Donnell on the O’Donnell side.
As such he was greeted with much jubilation. My father, Charles A. Fries, Sr. jumped for
joy and almost hit the ceiling, when he first laid eyes on his beautiful
newborn son. Prophetically, he was an easy, calm and
peaceful baby and he was lovingly oiled each and every day during his infancy.
Charlie was ever the
obedient son. When I was a teenager
myself, two years his junior, I watched him in amazement as he did what he was
told and even more than what he was told without ever complaining. He accidentally dropped a glass jar of instant
coffee and it smashed into a thousand pieces.
He was reprimanded but rather than yell back or defend himself, he went into
the house and got the broom, cleaned up the mess, quietly continued to carry
the groceries up the steep stairway into our house. When he was done, without
any explanation he walked a great distance to the grocery store and using his
own money replaced the jar of Instant coffee.
My entire life was graced by Charlie’s
presence; I am lucky enough to have known Charlie for over 66 years. I could share hours and volumes of stories
from all these years together as siblings, but today I will simply touch on a
few.
In an effort to be
concise, I looked for some words to help me to describe my brother.
The first word to come
to mind is generous. Charlie was
generous to a fault; he tried to give everyone exactly what they wanted. He would search high and low for that hard
to find item, he would research and investigate from every single angle and
when he presented you with the one thing your heart most desired, he would
smile sheepishly as you opened your gift and reacted with utter surprise and
pure joy.
Charlie was creative
and playful. As a child, Charlie
imagined and created ingenious playlands in our backyard in the East New York
section of Brooklyn. One time I attempted
to compete with a playland of my own, but all the kids in the neighborhood
flocked to Charlie’s wonderland instead of mine. I finally conceded, and Charlie smiled gently
when I gave in and become his assistant.
I couldn’t top the master. Then there were those times that Charlie and
another kid in our neighborhood named Kurt, produced and directed elaborate
shows in the backyard garage.
Charlie also organized the
rest of us kids in our endeavors to build an in-ground pool in the dirt behind
our house. It seemed we dug halfway to
China but the massive muddy puddle just wouldn’t hold water.
We built boats and
houses and even our own backyard toilet. Charlie was the architect and the quiet,
unassuming chief engineer. And in spite of his mild-mannered ways, we all
responded promptly and with precision when the alarm was sounded by Charlie,
the Fire Chief of 10 Engine 10.
As he got older on
several occasions Charlie spoke to me about his dream of one day creating an
amusement park when he reached retirement age.
He never lost his creative, playful ways. If it
wasn’t for all the pain- in- the- neck logistics, I’m sure he could have
created the best Amusement Park in all of NY State.
In a way he was always creating amusement
parks, always wanting to share fun and games with children. Christmas lights transformed his Gun Lane Home
into a magical cottage at the North Pole where even Santa came to visit
personally on Christmas Eve. He loved
sharing the beautifully decorated Christmas tree, the trains and quaint little
village and gifts that crowded around the bottom of the tree. No matter how chaotic it got, Charlie truly seemed
to enjoy the pandemonium of all the Santa festivities with his children, grandkids
and grand nieces and nephews. Christmas
in heaven should be very special this year.
Another word that comes
to mind when I think of my brother is “humor”.
Charlie had his own unique, intelligent brand of humor. He could be really hysterical without being
the least bit raunchy or boisterous.
And, he never, ever put anyone down.
He was way too kind for that and people were always more important to
him than a laugh or two. At our
mother’s 80th birthday celebration, Charlie stood up to say a few words in her
honor and he began by saying, “I met my mother at an early age”.
Charlie was recently
made the Chaplain at his local American Legion.
He was truly honored by this appointment but shared with me -with a bit
of humor- that he was wondering when exactly he had gotten ordained. He expressed some concerns about his ability
to meet the requirements, but knowing Charlie as I do, I was certain they
couldn’t have picked a better guy.
Still his humor shone through when got up to offer an opening prayer and
started off by asking if the parking spot marked with the C meant it was
reserved for the Chaplain. I’m sorry I
never got to see him perform his duties at the Legion.
When Charlie met Ellen
he transformed into a guy named Chuck.
I find it difficult to call Charlie, Chuck because he has always been
Charlie to me but sometimes I would get caught up in the moment and call him
Chuck. It was obvious he liked being
Chuck.
Charlie
was a happy guy.
He
was filled with love.
His
love overflowed onto everyone.
He
loved unconditionally and without reservation.
He
was not pompous or showy.
He
never said a bad word about anyone.
He
was a relatively quiet man. He was a
gentle man. He wasn’t boastful or conceited or unkind.
He
was a wise man, a rational man, a thoughtful man.
He
was very much in control of his emotions, except possibly when someone cut him
off.
And
even then, he didn’t act foolish or stupid.
Can you imagine, he simply pulled the driver over, wagged his finger at
her as
he
reprimanded her sternly for cutting him off.
Some
might say that in spite of his laid back nature, but I say precisely because of
his laid back nature,
he was a marvelous police officer reaching the
rank of Police Captain on the NYPD.
He
was never trigger-happy, his gun remained in the holster as he used his
peaceful, calm nature to diffuse anger, comfort the distraught and calm the
aggressor.
He
forgave instantaneously and never held a grudge.
He
loved people and they loved him back.
If
there is a heaven, and I hope there is, I can assure you without doubt or
hesitation that as I speak, this good man is already there.
I
would like to conclude with the words that Chuck shared with his wife Ellen on
July 16, 2011 less than 2 weeks before his death.
Dear
Ellen, Know that I’ll love you forever….
Even
though it is hard for me to describe how much you mean to me,
Know
that I love you more than any man has loved a woman before
Know
that I love you with all my heart….
Your
smile, your touch, your caring nature…
Everything
that combine to make you a one- of- a- kind person,
A
once-in-a-lifetime love,
Know
that I’ll love you forever…
Because
the best part of my life began the moment I fell in love with you.
Love,
Chuck
