It was a
warm, sunny day near the end of May in 1956, when I walked up the driveway and
saw my Mom chatting with a neighbor in our backyard. I caught just a glimpse of their
conversation and realized that my mother was being offered condolences. I
remember wondering who had died. As
soon as there was a moment of silence, I asked my mother, “who died, Mommy?” Calmly she told me that my Grandmother had
died. She wasn’t crying and didn’t seem
unduly upset, so I assumed that it was her mother-in-law, my Grandma Fries. My Grandma Fries, who lived next door to us,
had suffered a stroke several years earlier and had been an invalid for some time. So, I assumed it that she had succumbed to the
effects of her illness and said to my Mom, “Grandma Fries died? She said, “No, it was Grandma O’Donnell who
died. I was
shocked and stunned. For some reason,
Grandma O’Donnell didn’t seem ill to me.
I had heard that she had heart trouble but she was up and about most of
the time and my 11 year old brain didn’t think she was “sick”. I certainly didn’t believe that she was ready
to die. But what I remember the most
about this experience and what has remained with me all these 60 years is the
fact that my own mother was so relaxed and calm in the face of her own mother’s
death. I thought she would have been
crying hysterically or would have been verbalizing the horrendous grief she was
feeling. After all, she had just lost
her Mother!!
It wasn’t
until many years later, on November 19, 1998, that I experienced this same
strange kind of calm after my own Mother’s passing. Although I was sad and I missed her physical
presence, I did not feel hopeless or deserted.
I had this overwhelming sense
that my mother’s spirit was stronger and more powerful than it had ever been
before. I felt that my mother didn’t
actually leave; she was still very much with me. As a matter of fact, she has never left me. She remains with me always. It is actually a great gift.
I don’t
pretend to know where we “go” when we die.
I don’t pretend to understand who or what God is. I only know in my own heart that our essence -
our core - our spirit - our soul continues to go on after we shed our outer,
visible layers.
Dedicated to
Grandma Margaret Mary Coleman O'Donnell - B. 2-16-1887 (Middletown, Pa) ; D. 5-29-1956 ( Brooklyn, NY)
Mother Rita Mary Agnes O'Donnell Fries - B. 3-25-1917 (Brooklyn, NY) D. 11-19-1998 (Latham, NY)
Cousin: Mary Ruth ( Mae)Purtell Feeney - B. 6-9-1931 (Middletown, Pa.) D. ? ( )
