Luke - while in the midst of his storm

"                                                          Saturday, Sept. 8, 1979

Dear Luke,
         This morning I called to tell Grandpa you were so very sick last night.  He was upset and extremely worried about you.
          We were all very tired because we were up late last night.  We slept late today.  In the afternoon Dad and Mom and I visited you.  We were pleasantly surprised to see how well you looked.  We were sad to see how uncomfortable you look with the respirator tube in your nose and the IV in your arm. We hope you can be taken off it soon.
          After our afternoon visit to the hospital we came home for an hour or two.  Aunt Mary Beth and Uncle Bob, Brian and Diane went to Uncle Bob's boss' party.  Your Daddy, Mom and I had dinner at Howard Johnson's on Central Avenue.  Mom and I had turkey, your Dad had liver.  After dinner we went to see you again.  You are adorable.  We feel badly because we can't rock you.  You are cuddly and we miss holding you.  We're praying you'll get better quickly so we can show you we love you by holding you.
          Grandpa called tonight.  He felt sick himself knowing you are sick.  He couldn't even eat breakfast this morning when he heard about you.  See how many people are concerned about you and love you!  Aunt Anne O'Donnell called to see how you were doing.
                                                                Love, Grandma"
I remember that party on Sept 8th 1979.  It was physically a nice day and the party was held outside in a private backyard which was surrounded by woods and greenery. Normally, I would have enjoyed a day out and away from my homemaker duties but that particular day I remember that it felt incongruous being at a party.   I  didn't really know the people all that well since they were Bob's colleagues from work. I just couldn't hold it together - I felt so sad. I really didn't think Luke was going to make it and my heart was breaking.   I separated myself from the people and cried.  

Skip forward to September 8th 2013 -( I just now realized this moment that these two events both happened on Sept 8th - only the second event occurred 34 years later)
Late on the Sunday night before my father died,  I was sitting next to him as he lay in his bed and he said to me, "Is Luke coming?"  I was a bit surprised with his question and answered, 'Gee, Poppi, I don't know."  A little while later he asked me again if Luke was coming.  I really didn't know whether I should call Luke that late on a Sunday night - by this time it was midnight.  I figured he had to get up for work the next day since it was a Monday and I hesitated to wake him. Initially, I considered waiting until the next day to call him.  But my father's request was strong and persistent.  Something told me to call Luke right then and there.  When I called, Luke was wide awake.  He was in the car on his way back to the Capital District after being away for the weekend.   It was a comfort for me to tell my Dad that Luke was on his way and would be there soon.  My father visibly relaxed when I told him Luke was coming.  I relaxed too. 
It was obvious that my father really, really wanted to see his " little Luke" one more time.  Poppi died in the middle of the night two days later.

Sept 7, 1979 - A Night of Terror

" Sept 7, 1979, Friday

Mommie and I went to visit you at the hospital.  You had a little set-back because your isolette was allowed to get too cool. We became very upset.  The Doctors told us you are having a couple of tests - a blood culture and a urine culture.

After dinner tonight we, your Mom, Aunt Mary Beth and I, went to the hospital again.  Boy, did you give us a scare.  You looked dreadful.  You had just had one of those apnea spells.  You didn't look like yourself at all.  You were pale yet almost purplish looking.  Once you got over the apnea and got breathing again you looked better.  We sure wish you'd start picking up because you're scaring us out of at least a year's growth.  I'd use another expression but Grandma doesn't want to teach you bad language. A nurse by the name of Mary took care of you till 11:30.  Then John Kane came on for the 11:30 - 7:30 shift.  Mommie, Aunt Mary and I were very impressed with John.  He made us feel confident that you are going to make it.  Did you know it's very difficult to have a strong faith at times like tonight?  Grandma believes that "nothing happens unless it's God's Will or He permits it". As you get older you'll realize what I mean.  Your life is very precious to us.  We also know that it's precious to God, too. That He loves you and has given you the gift of life.  We ask God to give us the faith to live this belief and put our Faith in Him.

You are lucky because your Mom and Dad love you very much.  Your mother called your Dad and he came up to Albany to see you.  He was sleeping when Mom called and he drove up almost immediately. He was so tired that he had to pull off the road.  We were happy to hear that he had the good sense to do that.  We were worried that he'd have an accident.

Aunt Mary Beth is crazy about you, too. And of course, Grandma thinks you're great too.  Please, please, do you best to give us a big surprise tomorrow by being 100% better.  With God's help and all the medical attention you can do it!   Love, Grandma"

I remember the terror of this night very well.  We thought we were loosing Luke and the pain was unbearable. 

"Pope John Paul II not saint worthy" by Maureen Dowd

I was asked to add a prayer  ( i.e., a prayer upon the canonization of Popes John XXIII and John Paul II ) to the power point for this weekend's liturgies, and I had trouble doing it.   It was not trouble of a mechanical nature - it was simple enough to add a few slides to the power point - rather I had philosophical trouble primarily because I do not envision John Paul II canonization material.  Maureen Dowd explains my feelings better than I could so I refer you to Section D of today's Times Union (Timesunion.com).   When I recite this prayer in church on Sunday, it will be to St. John XXIII.   I would certainly pray to my mother before I would pray to this Pope. 

My Mother Continues to Write

"                                               Wednesday, Sept 5, 1979

          Today Daddy came early because he and your mother have an appointment to see your Doctor - Dr.  Bartoletti.  Before they left for the hospital, Mommie called to speak to nurse Debby.   She shook all of us up because she announced that they've discovered you have a heart murmur.  We're happy the doctor thinks it's something you'll outgrow.  It's called Patent Ductus Arteriosus.
           This morning Aunt Mary Beth's friend, Linda Yerbourogh came to visit.  She had her little boy, Roger, and little girl, Marjorie.  Carla Kennedy and her daughter, Lynn, came too.
            Uncle Bob had to go to Canandagua on a business trip"

"                                                   Thursday, Sept 6, 1979

          In the afternoon, Mommie and Aunt Mary Beth visited you at the hospital.  When they got home we had dinner - stuffed peppers and chuck steak.  After dinner Aunt Mary Beth went to her new class.  I stayed home and babysat for cousin Brian and cousin Diane.  Mommie rested.
          There was a heavy rain today but the weather cleared by evening.  Uncle Bob got home after nine from his trip to Canandagua. "

During this time Bob and I lived in a newly built (by Tony Crisifulli & Sons, Phil & Mike)raised ranch at # 9 Oakwood West in Colonie, NY.   Bob and I and our son, Brian, moved into this house in 1978 and on May 11th 1979 our daughter, Diane, joined the family.  On August 21, 1979, Luke was born at Albany Medical Center via C-Section ( my sister Meg was asked by the Doctors if she wanted to "go with" a C-section in order to increase her baby's chances of survival from 10% to 30% - if I remember correctly).   I'm sure Meg can confirm this for me.   The trauma of a vaginal birth might have been too much for such a fragile, tiny baby. After being discharged from AMC, Meg came to stay with us so she could be nearer to the hospital since she and Carl lived at least an hour away in Sagerties, NY.   Meg also needed to be nearby the NICU so she could supply her baby with "liquid gold"i.,e, her breast milk.  This is "vital stuff" for such a premature baby and it was the one thing Meg felt she could do for her precious son.   I can still hear the electric breast pump going in the bedroom at the end of the hall.   Bob became known at the "Milk Man" as he delivered the breast milk to the AMC Neonatal Intensive Care Unit on his way to work each morning.
I was attending Russell Sage College in Troy part time in pursuit of a Masters Degree and also "to get out of the house. This was a hectic time at our house but then again, isn't it always a hectic time at our house.  I guess I wouldn't want it any other way.   I am blessed by the people in my life. 
Luke, glad you outgrew your Patent Ductus Arteriosus.

The Story of Luke Continues

                                                                      "Monday, Sept 3 , 1979

       Today was labor Day.  Your poor Daddy had to work and was sad that he couldn't be with you and your Mommie.
        Aunt Mary Beth, Aunt Anne, Mommie and I went to visit you at the hospital.  You looked great.  You are gaining each day and we are so happy.
         When we got home we went to the Ground Round for dinner - that is all of us, but your mother and Aunt Anna. Brian and Diane were good little children. We had to wait a long time for dinner because the waitress quit in the middle of serving us.  One good thing came because of the delay. Uncle Bob expressed his disappointment with the restaurant to our new waitress.  She spke to the manager and we were not charged for our dinner - only the beer which Aunt Anne treated us to."

Some things never change - Bob being given the job of spokesperson.  Aunt Anne treating us.
The Fries Family being delighted with a free meal.

"                                                                                     Tuesday, Sept 4, 1979

        Today Grandpa, Aunt Anne, and Aunt Anna went back to the city.  Grandpa took your Mom, Aunt Anne and me to the hospital.  We were elated to learn you now weigh 1120 grams which is almost 2 lbs 8 oz.   On the way home Grandma bought an Activity Box as a shower gift for Virginia Pascarelli's new baby ( for the shower).
          We had a delicious stew, broccoli, mashed potatoes and tomatoes.  After dinner Grandpa, Aunt Anne & Aunt Anna left for the city.  We had a quiet evening."

This is the quiet before the storm which is coming soon!

My Mom continues to write to her grandson

" Saturday, September 1, 1979

          Your Mama, Aunt Mary Beth, Aunt Anne and I visited you today.   The nurse "sue" told us she gave you a bath today - your very first bath.  When we came home from the hospital we went to five o'clock Mass.  Your Mama asked the congregation to pray for you that you will grow to be a big strong boy. 
          We had the chicken & pork cutlet, eggplant, salad and creamed cauliflower.  We also had the delicious cheese cake that Aunt Mary Beth made for us.  Your Dad came just for a short time after we sat down for dinner and he had dinner, too.  He and your Mom had a fine visit tonight.  They called the hospital to see how you were doing.  They decided to wait till tomorrow before visiting you.  Grandpa, Aunt Anne & I went food shopping tonight."

" Sunday, September 2, 1979

           Grandpa and Aunt Anna went to eleven o'clock Mass.  The rest of us had breakfast.  We went shopping in Macy's, Sears and Korvettes.  I bought a baby book for you for your mother to write in.  I also bought a sleeper for you for when you come home from the hospital and some other clothes for later on.  Among them I got two bathing suits - one says "Lifeguard".  I also bought a shower gift for a little baby who has not been born yet.  The mother, Virginia Pascarelli, was born two days after your mother and they grew up in close association with each other, even calling each other "cousin". Now they seldom see each other. 
            Your Dad & Mother visited you at the hospital.    After dinner tonight we sat out on the back patio.  It was cool and pleasant.  About ten o'clock your Dad & Mom came home after their second visit with you at the hospital.  They were bother quite upset over the actions of the nurse "sue" who cared for you yesterday, too.  Remember - the one who gave you your first bath.  She began by telling your mother she wanted to hide you.  In fact, she said if she knew your Mom was coming she would have put you in a different isolette.  You can imagine how shook up your mother felt.  She's been concerned and frightened because you are so very tiny.  Yet I'm certain she felt you were in safe competent hands.  Now she has her doubts.  Sue also told her she put you in an isolette with a premature girl baby.  She also wanted your mother to give you another bath.  Your mother was extremely distressed and worried.  She loves you so very much and she wants you to be treated gently and with great care.  This nurse said she carried you around in her pocket before they arrived. Your Dad & Mother didn't know whether to take her seriously or not.  At any rate they felt this was unprofessional conduct and they can't help being concerned.  Mom & Aunt Mary Beth called the hospital & spoke to Mary Rodriquez.  She's the nurse who cared for you immediately after you were born.  She also got the breast pump.  She said she'd look in on you and also speak to the Supervisor about Sue's conduct. We all went to bed feeling better.
              It's about midnight and it's raining hard.  I'll write again tomorrow."

My thoughts after reading this letter my mother wrote to Luke in 1979.
 This nurse sounds downright off her rocker!  It's scary to be at the mercy of another human being when this human being is in some sort of manic state, especially when you weigh just over 2 pounds and are as fragile as a leaf!  Reminds me of the two wacko-a-doo nurses in Misery and One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.  Luke, you had a lot of people involved, didn't you? As Aunt Helen mentioned in her comment, we were all there for you, praying our hearts out.  Also, we certainly kept ourselves nourished throughout the whole ordeal - cheesecake and all.

My Mom writes about Luke

           (Luke in 2014 )
My mother wanted to write in the worst way and she did a lovely job whenever she put pen to paper.  I have discovered realms of her writings and many attempts to begin again.  What I've found brings her back to life for me.  It also brings back other times and other places and people I love as they use to be many years ago.  
I find her words to be a treasure now.  I wander through her life in whatever path she presents for me, even though the stories may not be in any particular sequence.  
Here is one such writing:
                                " August 30, 1979
Thursday
Little Diane awakened about eight o'clock this morning.  I gave her a quick bath in the downstairs sink and fed her cereal and a bottle. We played together for a few minutes and then we both went to sleep again. When we woke up we had breakfast with Meg and Mary Beth. I took a shower and had some spaghetti before leaving for Albany Medical to visit Luke.  Nurse Eileen was on duty.  I rocked him from about 2:40 to 4:05pm.  He seemed to like it and I did, too.  When Bob left work he picked me up at the hospital at about 4:30 pm.  Mary Beth had a delicious meal for us- Belgium stew, tomatoes, noodles & gravy.  I drank wine & it made me sleepy & sick.  I must learn to leave it alone! Carl came at about 9:45. He had been drinking and acted unreasonable.  He gave Meg a hard time when she told him she had a date to see a doctor at the hospital.  Made a big time of it!
After eleven I called Charlie.  He seemed in good spirits.
                                      
                                    August 31, 1971, Friday
Dear Luke,
              Meg, that's your Mommie, and Aunt Mary Beth went to visit you this afternoon.  I stayed home with cousins Brian and Diane.  Aunt Mary made a delicious dinner.  I helped by breading the chicken and pork.  We also had creamed cauliflower and a delicious eggplant that Mary Ellen,  Aunt Mary Beth's neighbor sent over to us.  Ed, her husband, brought it over.
              Your Daddy didn't come to Albany.  He was working in Woodstock.  Grandpa, Aunt Anna and Aunt Anne came up from the city about eight.  We fixed dinner for them.  After dinner Grandpa, Aunt Anne and I brought milk to the hospital and I rocked you for awhile."

These entries were written shortly after my nephew, Luke Godfrey Nickerson, was born at Albany Medical Center on August 21, 1979.  If I remember correctly Luke's due date wasn't until November 11th.
 His extremely premature arrival was a shock to the entire family.  No offense Luke, but when I first laid eyes on you, you looked very much like a newly plucked chicken and a rather skimpy one at that - 2 pounds 6 ounces!  I worked in a premature nursery while in nursing school and the babies I tended to there were monsters compared to you.  I wanted to be happy but I couldn't let myself believe you would survive.