A Prayer

The following prayer was shared by our Pastor:   
Dear God:
Take my life and let me live serenely for today.
Open my mind to happy thoughts.
Take away my ill-will towards others.
Make it possible for me to feel joy, love, and compassion; allow me to live again.
Help me to accept what is, to hold my tongue, to do my daily tasks, to let go with love.
Take away my worries about the future.

Make me realize that in your hands everything is provided, that I have no control over anything but myself, that today is precious and will soon be gone.
Help me to remember that all the hatred and pains that are directed at me is the hatred and pains that the other person is feeling toward themselves.
Thank you for your willingness to accept my burdens and lighten my load.
Amen.

More of What was it about Charlie?

Charlie loved unconditionally. 
He never judged me harshly.  In fact, I don't remember him ever really judging anyone harshly.    
He attempted to provide for everyone.
He had an interesting, intellectual, quiet sense of humor.
He loved to plan enjoyable trips and little excursions.
He liked martinis once in awhile.
He liked to have some sweets once in awhile even though he wasn't suppose to.  
He didn't like to change diapers and got me to do it for him.
His announced his days of tubing on the Battenkill were over. It was too shallow and he was tired of hitting his butt on the rocks.
He still liked to float in a tube in the pool.
He didn't make quick decisions.
He wanted to research every minute detail before purchasing an item.  Sometimes it took so long, he never got around to making the purchase.  
He was a good man, a truly good man.   

Talking to Ellen Makes Me Happy

I spoke to Ellen tonight.  We didn't have a really long conversation but it gave me great comfort.   I believe that Charlie - or as Ellen calls him, Chuck, - really loved Ellen very much and so I feel closer to him when I talk to her.   I also know and appreciate the fact that she really loved my brother and this is priceless gift as far as I am concerned.  No one can "buy or beg" love for a loved one so when someone gives this gift to a person who means the world to you, you want to give them a great, big hug.   Thanks Ellen, for loving my brother.  Consider yourself hugged.
Love, your Sister-in-law.

Strangely, this was on the Amazon Site when I went to shut down my Computer

"People who love each other are always connected by a very special String, made of love. Even though you can't see it with your eyes, you can feel it deep in your heart, and know that you are always connected to the ones you love." 
It is from a book called "The Invisible String"

So much in my heart

I have so much in my heart that I would like to express but interestingly, grief and sorrow drain you to the bone.  Loving other people is painful.   If you didn't care, it wouldn't matter. What is this thing called life, anyway?

A Message from my Friend

Grieving

From ancient times, mankind has mourned its losses. Every culture has its way of expressing grief. There is even evidence that animals express grief and mourn for those that are no longer with them. It is a sad fact that many people choose not to set aside time to mourn the death of a loved one. This is unfortunate because mourning is necessary for the mental health of the living and it is also a way of paying respect to the dead.

A death in the family leaves a void that cannot be filled. No one can ever take the place of this individual in the world. There must be time to mourn the fact that things will never be the same. One minute he was here and now he is gone. The human mind must be allowed to sit with this reality. Mourning is a necessary part of the human experience. If it is ignored, a general feeling of sadness may pervade the whole family.

Siblings that pass away have special meaning to us. They are often close in age to us and their death may bring to mind our own mortality. Life is no longer taken for granted. Someone from our generation has passed away. If the death is unexpected, there may be loose ends in the relationship that have not been dealt with. It is common that a death of a sibling brings upon a search for meaning. We may ask ourselves if we are accomplishing the goals that we have set for ourselves.

What was it about Charlie?

He was my big brother; just 2 years and one month my senior.

He has always been in my life; he has been there since I was born 66 year ago.  I have never been without him.

He shared so much with me.  We both had brown hair and brown eyes and we both looked more like Mommy.  He was my sidekick, my pal, my buddy.  When we were very little we shared a bedroom; our two beds with old-fashioned metal headboards were lined up against the walls on opposite sides of the room.    We got in trouble together.  I was told that I was the one that instigated the trouble and simply dragged Charlie along with me.   We shoved the cereal into the milk bottle and made a marvelous mess of the kitchen.   And, another day we got up on the bed, leaned out the second floor bedroom window and emptied the feathers out of a pillow onto the driveway two stories below.   Our mother almost died of fright as she quietly tipped toed up to us and grabbed us from behind before we fell out the window.  

He was so generous to me.  When I was a teenager I wanted a big, round, hard-plastic hairdryer.  It was the latest and greatest fad for a teenage girl.  Charlie started to earn money before I did and he went out and found exactly what I wanted and bought it for me.  He had a habit of trying to find out exactly what you liked and would go to any extreme to try and find it for you.  And when he found it, he would buy it for you.   Then, when he offered the gift to you, he would stand back quietly and watch intently as your face lit up in pure unadulterated excitement; the spontaneous reaction one expresses when a gift received is the one most desired.   He knew he hit the nail on the head and your pure joy made him happy.    

How Can You Mend a Broken Heart?

I can think of younger days when living for my life

Was everything a man could want to do
I could never see tomorrow, but I was never told about the sorrow

And how can you mend a broken heart?
How can you stop the rain from falling down?
How can you stop the sun from shining?
What makes the world go round?
How can you mend this broken man?
How can a loser ever win?
Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again

I can still feel the breeze that rustles through the trees
And misty memories of days gone by
We could never see tomorrow, no one said a word about the sorrow

And how can you mend a broken heart?
How can you stop the rain from falling down?
How can you stop the sun from shining?
What makes the world go round?
How can you mend this broken man?
How can a loser ever win?
Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again

Remembering My Brother

Remembering My Brother

We stood around Charlie’s bed in the Surgical ICU looking down at the face of this man we knew and loved so well for so many years.  We held onto his arms and legs, his face and shoulders, even his knees and toes.  It was as if we were desperately trying to hold him to this earth.  Somewhere deep inside me I

thought if we held on tight enough he wouldn’t leave us.  One thing I knew for sure was that not one of us was ready to lose this guy.  This certainly was no ordinary man.  The earth would not be the same without him.

Charles A. Fries, Jr. was the first born of his generation.   He was the first grandchild born to Joseph & Elizabeth Fries on the Fries side of the family as well as the first grandchild born to TJ & Margaret O’Donnell on the O’Donnell side.  As such he was greeted with much jubilation.  My father, Charles A.

Fries, Sr. jumped for joy and almost hit the ceiling, when he first laid eyes on his beautiful newborn son.   

Prophetically, he was an easy, calm and peaceful baby and he was lovingly oiled each and every day during his infancy.  

Charlie was ever the obedient son.  When I was a teenager myself, two years his junior, I watched him in amazement as he did what he was told and even more than what he was told without ever complaining.    He accidently dropped a glass jar of instant coffee and it smashed into a thousand pieces.  He was reprimanded but rather than yell back or defend himself, he went into the house and got the broom, cleaned up the mess, quietly continued to carry the groceries up the steep stairway into our house. When he was done, without any explanation he walked a great distance to the grocery store and using his own money replaced the jar of Instant coffee.

 My entire life was graced by Charlie’s presence; I am lucky enough to have known Charlie for over 66 years.   I could share hours and volumes of stories from all these years together as siblings, but today I will simply touch on a few.

In an effort to be concise, I looked for some words to help me to describe my brother.

The first word to come to mind is generous.  Charlie was generous to a fault; he tried to give everyone exactly what they wanted.   He would search high and low for that hard to find item, he would research and investigate from every single angle and when he presented you with the one thing your heart most desired, he would smile sheepishly as you opened your gift and reacted with utter surprise and pure joy.

Charlie was creative and playful.  As a child, Charlie imagined and created ingenious playlands in our backyard in the East New York section of Brooklyn.  One time I attempted to compete with a playland of my own, but all the kids in the neighborhood flocked to Charlie’s wonderland instead of mine.   I finally

conceded, and Charlie smiled gently when I gave in and become his assistant.   I couldn’t top the master.   Then there were those times that Charlie and another kid in our neighborhood named Kurt, produced and directed elaborate shows in the backyard garage.   

Charlie also organized the rest of us kids in our endeavors to build an in-ground pool in the dirt behind our house.  It seemed we dug halfway to China but the massive muddy puddle just wouldn’t hold water.  

We built boats and houses and even our own backyard toilet.  Charlie was the architect and the quiet, unassuming chief engineer.    And in spite of his mild-mannered ways, we all responded promptly and with precision when the alarm was sounded by Charlie, the Fire Chief of 10 Engine 10.

As he got older on several occasions Charlie spoke to me about his dream of one day creating an amusement park when he reached retirement age.   He never lost his creative, playful ways.   If it wasn’t for all the pain- in- the- neck logistics, I’m sure he could have created the best Amusement Park in all of NY State. 

 In a way he was always creating amusement parks, always wanting to share fun and games with children.   Christmas lights transformed his Gun Lane Home into a magical cottage at the North Pole where even Santa came to visit personally on Christmas Eve.   He loved sharing the beautifully decorated Christmas tree, the trains and quaint little village and gifts that crowded around the bottom of the tree.    No matter how chaotic it got, Charlie truly seemed to enjoy the pandemonium of all the Santa festivities with his children, grandkids and grand nieces and nephews.   Christmas in heaven should be very special this year.

Another word that comes to mind when I think of my brother is “humor”.   Charlie had his own unique, intelligent brand of humor.  He could be really hysterical without being the least bit raunchy or boisterous.  And, he never, ever put anyone down.  He was way too kind for that and people were always more important to him than a laugh or two.    At our mother’s 80th birthday celebration, Charlie

stood up to say a few words in her honor and he began by saying, “I met my mother at an early age”.

Charlie was recently made the Chaplain at his local American Legion.  He was truly honored by this appointment but shared with me -with a bit of humor- that he was wondering when exactly he had gotten ordained.   He expressed some concerns about his ability to meet the requirements, but knowing Charlie

as I do, I was certain they couldn’t have picked a better guy.   Still his humor shone through when got up to offer an opening prayer and started off by asking if the parking spot marked with the C meant it was reserved for the Chaplain.    I’m sorry I never got to see him perform his duties at the Legion.

When Charlie met Ellen he transformed into a guy named Chuck.   I find it difficult to call Charlie, Chuck because he has always been Charlie to me but sometimes I would get caught up in the moment and call him Chuck.  It was obvious he liked being Chuck.

Charlie was a happy guy.  

He was filled with love. 

His love overflowed onto everyone. 

He loved unconditionally and without reservation. 

He was not pompous or showy. 

He never said a bad word about anyone.

He was a relatively quiet man.  He was a gentle man. He wasn’t boastful or conceited or unkind. 

He was a wise man, a rational man, a thoughtful man.

He was very much in control of his emotions, except possibly when someone cut him off.

And even then, he didn’t act foolish or stupid.  Can you imagine, he simply pulled the driver over, wagged his finger at her as  

he reprimanded her sternly for cutting him off.

Some might say that in spite of his laid back nature, but I say precisely because of his laid back nature he

was a marvelous police officer reaching the rank of Police Captain on the NYPD.

He was never trigger happy, his gun remained in the holster as he used his peaceful, calm nature to

diffuse anger, comfort the distraught and calm the aggressor.

He forgave instantaneously and never held a grudge.  

He loved people and they loved him back. 

If there is a heaven and I hope there is I can assure you without doubt or hesitation that as I speak this good man is there already

I would like to conclude with the words that Chuck shared with his wife Ellen on July 16, 2011 less than 2 weeks before his death. 

Dear Ellen, Know that I’ll love you forever….

Even though it is hard for me to describe how much you mean to me,

Know that I love you more than any man has loved a woman before

Know that I love you with all my heart….

Your smile, your touch, your caring nature…

Everything that combine to make you a one- of- a- kind person,

A once-in-a-lifetime love,

Know that I’ll love you forever…

Because the best part of my life began the moment I fell in love with you.

Love, Chuck